9 pm. NHBi time and the kids should have been put to bed because things were about to get really heated.
Welcome guys to this weeks review of the show. Vickie Aluta-Obueh, @Dames_Caucus was our guest this week and she was talking on ‘How sexually open are you with your partner?’.
Vickie who owns a ‘Naija themed erotic blog’ quickly dismisses the notion of being a sexpert and says emails from her readers would be the basis for her opinion on the topic.
‘I realized that a lot of couples are not sexually open with each other, much as they pretend to be. It might
sound strange but its true.’
Why exactly is this so? Why are couples inhibited when it comes to talking about or sharing on their sexuality with their spouses or partners?
‘…Could it be tradition? Individual decision? Or good old hypocrisy?’ She asks
‘I have had emails from both men and women, complaining about their sexual unease with their spouse. And truthfully, I have often wondered WHY this is so? If you take an oath, promising to be with someone till eternity shouldn’t you share your deepest fantasies or sexual desires with such a person?’
I’ve gotten emails from men that tell me they like being sucked, tea-bagged and rimmed but they can’t ask their spouse to do it. I have had several emails from women that crave oral sex but their husband won’t do it. A few have even told me they love anal sex but fear of God won’t allow them ask their spouse. Why? So he won’t look at her like damaged goods.’
Vickie says this basically boils down to a faulty foundation built on lies. She says when she first met her husband one of the first things she told him about her was her high sex drive. Even when friends advised against it for fear that she might scare him away.
‘This is a man I intend to spend the rest of my life with. Am I gonna be doing missionary till my pubes collapse?’ She continues ‘My question now is “Did you marry your spouse, plan to live forever and get your sexual gratification outside your home?”‘
Oya answer.
Interestingly when, a person keeps mute as regards his or her sexual fantasies, the partner may just be waiting and willing to hear them talk about it, and do for them everything they want. And then surprisingly you find people talking to friends and even strangers online about their sexual frustrations rather than talk with the one person who has the key to unlock it all for them, their partner.
‘But, the bottom line of this my sermon is you can’t be married and have sexual inhibitions. It is just not
right. Men, you’ve gotta be OPEN to ur wives. Tell her HOW to please u. If u can tell girlfriend to RIDE u
Bronco-Style u can also tell madam. If madam is not jacking waist the way you like, Dude,
you paid dowry, tell her to JACK THAT ISH and pleasure the hell outta you. Women, if oga only rolls on top, thrusts a few times and rolls out, grab him and tell him to POUND YOU! It is ya RIGHT! If you’re tired of Missionary, don’t even bother to
tell him. Set that ass and throw it in the air, let
him collect from behind. Life is hard enough with Bills, School fees, feeding, family winchy to come and add sexual frustration into the mix. In conclusion, I’m gonna have to implore the couples on here to go back, sit with your spouse, share a drink and start talking.’
Wow! All that fiestiness. Our guest definitely held us spell bound. And there were the jokes, and the mock innocence, needless to say to was a very interesting and educating edition on the show. If one didn’t take away anything, whether you are married now or not, the importance to talk with your partner on your expectations in the bedroom was well emphasised and every one can certainly hold on to that if not anything else.
But marriage like every other partnership is very much about compromise. If your needs or wants are a tad uncomfortable or painful for your partner, compromise, let it go or better still take it slow. You have your years well ahead of you. If at first suggestion, they frown on the idea of a new trick don’t feel let down or take it out on them somewhere else, it is a process and where they never come around, find other means within your relationship to explore your other tendencies. There should be no excuse for infidelity.
Here are some of the very interesting comments from the show. Enjoy.
@hanny4all: Interesting topic oh…Nobody wants to be termed ‘freak’ or ‘whore’ hence the pretence.
@amasonic: Many men be nacking outside cos their sexual fantasies can be fulfilled. Meanwhile, they never even asked madam
@Mister_Mobility: Once either spouse begins to feel the need to hold back about sexual desires, things begin to fall apart.
@MASKURAID: For most 9ja men,any new moves by wifey means she’s keeping bad company. Or she been creeping. Men need to grow up.
@ChukyUnfazed: If a couple need to watch porn to enjoy their conjugal rights and know what to do, then they are of all ppl,most miserable.
@TonyAtambi: The chief reason for being uptight sexually in a marriage is religious inclinations and moral beliefs.
@SechiprolifiQ: Truth be told, if you don’t give me a platform to talk about everything with you, I cannot be free with you in bed.
@EkyShirley: I’m ready to be your
freak in the sheets, we just have to be honest with each other about it. And non-judgemental.
@SeunAfuwape: TBH, I see no reason why couples should not be free to discuss their sexual drive. They should be NAKED about it and not ASHAMED.
@SheisNeomi: Husband tells wifey he fantasize about another woman sucking her. She deny him sex for one week. Lmaoooooooo!
@DeliciousAmina: Pls don’t get ‘Spiritual’ in the bedroom o! The Marriage bed is Holy in ALL! You both just need to decide where u wnt to draw the line.
Caleb Olorunmaiye
@_Ceefour
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