“Help!! My BFF is a married woman” by @wildeyeq #NHBi Review S4W10

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As far as relationships go, nothing beats experience. The sum total of who we are is made up from the experiences we have had. This week on No Holds Barred Interactive we had Edward Isreal-Ayide, @wildeyeq talking very personally from his experience on the topic ‘Help, my BFF is a Married Woman.’

Welcome to this weeks review of the show.

Let’s hear Edward’s story:

“You see I have a BFF that I’ve always loved, in fact I wanted to go out with her and possibly marry her at a time. But you know what they say about life happening when you are busy making other plans; I ended up going out with her friend. Don’t log out yet and start a war, it’s absolutely nothing like what you are thinking. We were all best buds, the 3 of us. I was a big brother of sorts to both of them, (I brotherzoned myself so don’t snicker) but I sort of liked Cynthia more. She was the firebrand, the independent Igbo girl who was bent on proving to a male dominated world that she was good enough. Chi was more of a quietly determined lady. She could zero in on a cause and see it till the end without breaking a sweat. Cynthia knew how to take advantage of the soft spot I had for her, and yes I allowed her. Friends thought we’d end up together. As life would have it, I ended up with Chi and we had a
most remarkable 5 years relationship. Through it all and afterwards, Chi and I both had Cynthia as an umpire of sorts. She was the voice of reason and a solace. But something had happened when I was going out with
Chi, I was still Cynthia’s BFF but she was no longer mine. I’ve never been one to share affections equally when
dealing with women. So I froze Cynthia out. I told myself it was for the best, that no woman would thrive in a relationship knowing how deeply I treasured Cynthia. Cynthia took it quite well, she moved on. Got into a
relationship and eventually got married. Or at least that’s what I thought. I felt I free. In many ways, I had felt responsible for Cynthia and I suddenly felt free from that. That wasn’t the case however, what I did not know was that, for the past 8 years, I had been hurting a poor girl. She missed the companionship and all we shared, and had decided that maybe steeling herself to the
effects would make it go away. Well, one day out of the blues, she sends me a message on BBM. From her tone she was angry and really hurt.
She asked why I was not present at her wedding (I was working) why I wasn’t at her daughter’s naming (I
was stupid). Truth is, after she got married, though we remained
friends, I had maintained a very far distance from her. Though I knew the husband from way before they
started dating, I loved my big head so much and didn’t. And that was hurting her. She told me she had made her husband aware of how much I meant to her, as well as their families. In her words; she had build a home and made me a part of it, and I had gone on with a life without a place for her. See, I had no plan to lose that friend. She’s one of the
best a man can have, that kinda girl who’d fuss, whine, nag but always cares. But I don’t know how a man who would take his wife having a male BFF. I think I would be cool with it. I
think, But another man? Honestly, I too miss having her in my life, but I fear that I might affect her marriage. So I “lean back”. I don’t know if there are any moral or marital conventions that say a woman can not have a close friend of the opposite sex. But while I might say “sod it! I don’t care” would her
partner feel the same way? Would trust issues begin in their marriage? Would it be right to selfish cling on to a friendship that would make another lose a home she has built?
I told myself true friendship requires sacrifice, and I was willing to sacrifice my own wishes to make her
happy. But she is not happy. She sees me as the only friend she can open all of her innermost parts to apart from
her hubby. But I am not willing to play ball. I keep her at arm’s
length. A call occasionally, chats; that’s about it. I have had instances where a friend’s wife tried to
make a pass at me, so I am not so sure marriage would make a man feel secure. Definitely not when there’s another “man” in your wife’s life. Maybe I’m just being a coward you might think, but I can speak for myself. I don’t know what the other
man is thinking. I have told myself it’s good to be BFFs from afar.
But I know she hurts knowing I’m not that accessible. But the fact is, she’s married and I do not want to
joke with that for any reason. So children of God and my detractors, that’s my personal pot of ogbono soup.”

Amazing stuff.

What we can learn from Edward’s story can be surmised in these few words. RESPECT BOUNDARIES. But it still can’t describe the electric charged atmosphere on the night. Here are some of the tweets that came in. What are your thoughts however? Do share with us, and join again next week for another interesting episode.

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