Category Archives: Uncategorized

“Help!! My BFF is a married woman” by @wildeyeq #NHBi Review S4W10

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As far as relationships go, nothing beats experience. The sum total of who we are is made up from the experiences we have had. This week on No Holds Barred Interactive we had Edward Isreal-Ayide, @wildeyeq talking very personally from his experience on the topic ‘Help, my BFF is a Married Woman.’

Welcome to this weeks review of the show.

Let’s hear Edward’s story:

“You see I have a BFF that I’ve always loved, in fact I wanted to go out with her and possibly marry her at a time. But you know what they say about life happening when you are busy making other plans; I ended up going out with her friend. Don’t log out yet and start a war, it’s absolutely nothing like what you are thinking. We were all best buds, the 3 of us. I was a big brother of sorts to both of them, (I brotherzoned myself so don’t snicker) but I sort of liked Cynthia more. She was the firebrand, the independent Igbo girl who was bent on proving to a male dominated world that she was good enough. Chi was more of a quietly determined lady. She could zero in on a cause and see it till the end without breaking a sweat. Cynthia knew how to take advantage of the soft spot I had for her, and yes I allowed her. Friends thought we’d end up together. As life would have it, I ended up with Chi and we had a
most remarkable 5 years relationship. Through it all and afterwards, Chi and I both had Cynthia as an umpire of sorts. She was the voice of reason and a solace. But something had happened when I was going out with
Chi, I was still Cynthia’s BFF but she was no longer mine. I’ve never been one to share affections equally when
dealing with women. So I froze Cynthia out. I told myself it was for the best, that no woman would thrive in a relationship knowing how deeply I treasured Cynthia. Cynthia took it quite well, she moved on. Got into a
relationship and eventually got married. Or at least that’s what I thought. I felt I free. In many ways, I had felt responsible for Cynthia and I suddenly felt free from that. That wasn’t the case however, what I did not know was that, for the past 8 years, I had been hurting a poor girl. She missed the companionship and all we shared, and had decided that maybe steeling herself to the
effects would make it go away. Well, one day out of the blues, she sends me a message on BBM. From her tone she was angry and really hurt.
She asked why I was not present at her wedding (I was working) why I wasn’t at her daughter’s naming (I
was stupid). Truth is, after she got married, though we remained
friends, I had maintained a very far distance from her. Though I knew the husband from way before they
started dating, I loved my big head so much and didn’t. And that was hurting her. She told me she had made her husband aware of how much I meant to her, as well as their families. In her words; she had build a home and made me a part of it, and I had gone on with a life without a place for her. See, I had no plan to lose that friend. She’s one of the
best a man can have, that kinda girl who’d fuss, whine, nag but always cares. But I don’t know how a man who would take his wife having a male BFF. I think I would be cool with it. I
think, But another man? Honestly, I too miss having her in my life, but I fear that I might affect her marriage. So I “lean back”. I don’t know if there are any moral or marital conventions that say a woman can not have a close friend of the opposite sex. But while I might say “sod it! I don’t care” would her
partner feel the same way? Would trust issues begin in their marriage? Would it be right to selfish cling on to a friendship that would make another lose a home she has built?
I told myself true friendship requires sacrifice, and I was willing to sacrifice my own wishes to make her
happy. But she is not happy. She sees me as the only friend she can open all of her innermost parts to apart from
her hubby. But I am not willing to play ball. I keep her at arm’s
length. A call occasionally, chats; that’s about it. I have had instances where a friend’s wife tried to
make a pass at me, so I am not so sure marriage would make a man feel secure. Definitely not when there’s another “man” in your wife’s life. Maybe I’m just being a coward you might think, but I can speak for myself. I don’t know what the other
man is thinking. I have told myself it’s good to be BFFs from afar.
But I know she hurts knowing I’m not that accessible. But the fact is, she’s married and I do not want to
joke with that for any reason. So children of God and my detractors, that’s my personal pot of ogbono soup.”

Amazing stuff.

What we can learn from Edward’s story can be surmised in these few words. RESPECT BOUNDARIES. But it still can’t describe the electric charged atmosphere on the night. Here are some of the tweets that came in. What are your thoughts however? Do share with us, and join again next week for another interesting episode.

Social Media Relationships: Do They Work by @Batarhe #NHBiReview S4W8

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After an unscheduled one week break, #NHBi returned to the timeline this week and it was sheer joy and a relief felt by everyone on its return.

This week on the show the topic was ‘Social Media Relationships: Do They Work?’ And we had as guest Foghi Batarhe, @Batarhe talking on the show. Batarhe started off by saying he isn’t by any means a relationship expert and described himself as a ‘normal tweep.’ You see that’s what guests say when they do not want to be charged to ‘Twitter Court’ in the future. Moving on however, Batarhe quotes a research on online dating that says “Internet couples tend to be a better fit than those who meet by more traditional means…”

Batarhe goes on to cite the example of the chat app 2go that has an estimated 9 million subscribers alone in Nigeria saying “…here’s the catch,if we have this huge number of
folks with access to the internet it follows that it becomes a good meeting place.”

He also talks briefly of someone he knew while growing up who met his American wife via “good, old Yahoo Messenger”. And yes they are indeed happily married.

ASL?

But then what are the initial expectations? Batarhe says its important we know this, because not all relationships would lead to the altar, whether you met via social media or not.

“Personally before you say something is a success or otherwise you have to first understand the initial expectations. Because not all relationships will lead to the altar. So if one’s expectations were just to have sex. If I achieved that, it’s success.”

Wait, did I mention that Batarhe met his wife on Twitter?

“So a few years ago when I joined Twitter, I didn’t have the wildest expectation that I’d meet my Lovely wife on here. I joined Twitter out of curiosity just to prove to my dear friend Troy that Facebook was way cooler. I’d been here a year or so when this bright sunny day this interesting handle floated into my horizon. I’d noticed that a lot of my friends were always engaging her on twitter, so naturally me too I joined her follower base. I kinda enjoyed her tweets, not like I had any P setting motives at the time. She too had followed back. One particular tweet almost spoilt it before it even began. She’d been watching and tweeting Fareed Zakaria’s GPS. So me and my silly mouth felt like we’d been friendly so I tweeted ‘hmm, shouldn’t you be watching Keeping up with the Kards’. That singular tweet spoilt plenty things. But in time we had become tweet buddies again. Still no P set yet. After a couple of months of observing, scoping her TL and all we moved to DMs… Until one day she sent me her BBM pin. We had interesting convos, I asked for her mobile because I needed to put a voice to the personality. Now, mind you I’d been single for a year as my heart had been split open by my long time ex, I just wanted to be alone.”

Quick question. When you meet someone online, and you really like them and want to take it offline, how soon should you do that? Again, there are so specifics or set in stone rules. Too quick and you might ruin it, too late and you still might. And there is the danger of meeting a psycho. So in all things there is the need to be security conscious.

Batarhe was telling us a story.

“So I quickly set about making that right,  I quickly booked a plane ticket and flew across a few states to meet up in person. I know it’s important to meet up as soon as possible, otherwise it’d remain a phantom relationship. So I flew down to meet with her. Seeing her in person I just knew right there at the airport that boy you gotta marry this diamond. Today we are happily married with a beautiful daughter as my Avi can tell.”

And the ladies broke into “awwwwwwn”

“Have we had our own wahalas? Of course.. But then again even relationships started from more traditional means do have them.
So ladies and gentlemen if you’re eyeing that babe or dude, better set that P now oh or forever hold your peace. After all,we spend so much of our time on social network sites (Twitter,Facebook, 2go,even Hi5) naturally we’re bound to get involved. So I am a living testimony that Social Media Relationships (once taken to the next level) do work.”

Humanity has come a long way from Adam proclaiming to Eve, ‘you are the bones of my bones and the flesh of my flesh.’ And every tool man has invented has been to make doing things a lot more easier as our civilisation progresses. Social Media Relationships do work, as Batarhe’s story shows, and its not only him. There are hundreds of couples out there who first met on Twitter. And it isn’t only just Twitter. Facebook, Hi5, 2go, Eskimi and what have you, including dating sites where from the onset you are clearly on them to look for a partner. People’s sceptism are naturally drawn from traditionalism, some keep their involvement or stories secret because friends might laugh at them saying ‘You dey love person wey you never see? Na just voice you dey trip for? What if na cripple?’ So of course, know exactly who you are dealing with before putting your heart in and then take it offline as soon as you can. But then before Social Media there were Pen Pals/Letters, and as the world continues to evolve we would do things even less traditionally than before. And like someone said maybe even one day we might have an online wedding. Didn’t we only have an online proposal last week? You may now click the bride.

RAPE!! by @AyodejiOsowobi #NHBiReview S4W6

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Its not strange for a new comer to ask at every show ‘What does #NHBi mean?’ I’ll say this just this once, ‘N’ is for Learning, ‘H’ is for ‘Enlightenment’, ‘B’ is for Fun and I is for Interactive. Ok, I’m just goofing. Maybe not really. But seriously, here on No Holds Barred Interactive, its all that and more thrown into the mix and this week it was a great session of learning and enlightenment for us on the show.

Welcome to the review of yet another not-to-be-forgotten-soon episode of the show. This week on the show, we were taking a stand against the societal menace called Rape. We had as guest on the night Ayodeji Osowobi @AyodejiOsowobi of Stand to End Rape, a Non-Governmental Organisation that seeks to end rape by creating awareness about its devastating effects on our society.

Ayodeji said that rape isn’t a new phenomenon in Nigeria, but that recently it has quite grown out of proportion. She went on to describe rape as a form of ‘gender based violence against girls and women’, with boys and men even being inclusive recently as well.

She defined Rape as when “you penetrate anyone’s body part however slight, with a sexual organ. Any act of force/coercion is also rape.”

People tend to get confused on what rape really is. I’ll break it down for you! Rape is when a person says ‘No’
& you interpret it as ‘Yes'”

She adds that even if one is having sex with a lady and at some point she says ‘Stop’ or ‘No’ and you continue, from there on, it is rape. Which reminds me of a case I heard about where the couple had sex 3 times already and at the 4th time, the woman said ‘No’ and the man went ahead to have his way with her, and the court ruled that he indeed had raped her.

She further enlightens by saying “There is a common misconception on what ‘consent’ really is. Sometimes, a victim can be coerced/threatened to give consent. If an armed robber breaks into your home & says ‘Let me rape you or I’ll kill you!’ I bet you’ll be forced to say ‘yes’ for the fear of death! Hence, it’s important to know that rape isn’t just about ‘consent’, it’s also when ones’ ‘freedom to choose’ is taken forcefully!”

She then talks about rape in the case of minors being technically termed as ‘defilement’.

She says “House girls/boys, aunties/uncles, fathers/brothers have been reported to be perpetrators of defilement. What is our law doing about this?”

She says that the laws we have in Nigeria aren’t stringent hence perpetrators escape justice while victims are left saddled with the job of proving rape.

“Victims of rape even after the psychological humiliation of being raped, see no need to report rape cases. Why? No hope for justice. Victims are most times asked bizarre questions like ‘What were you wearing?’ ‘Did you ask for it?’ ‘Are
you sure you were raped?’ Under the shariah law, if victims can’t prove/don’t have any evidence of being rape, they are seriously canned & tagged ‘fornicators.’ The approach of victims proving rape” has contributed to bring suffering to (most) Nigerian women across the country!”

Ayodeji then quoted results from NOIPolls which say that 34% of 585 sampled adults think that indecent dressing is the leading cause of rape.

“This in itself is a form of victim blaming, which promotes rape one way or the other. Minors don’t dress indecently, yet they get raped. Hence, we need stringent laws, law enforcement officials who are specially trained & a no ‘rape proving’ structure for victims.”

Our guest went on to answer numerous questions from participants. Especially those who were interested in joining her organisation in the Fight to End Rape.

The discussion doesn’t just end here, or on Twitter, we expect everyone who cares about our girls and boys and women to take a stand against rape in our society. After all, if good men do nothing about evil, I trust you know the rest.

Join us again next week on another exciting episode of the show. Have a great week. God bless.

Are You the Real Chic or Side Chic? by @Perxian_Pride #NHBiReview S4W5

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Drum rolls. Fireworks. Applause. Welcome guys to yet another exciting review of everyone’s favourite Twitter show, #NHBi.

Last week on the show we talked about how weddings and expenses with the topic ‘Must our Wedding cost a Fortune?’ Well, before you get to that finish line where the ring actually gets put on your finger, many ladies have to contend with whether or not they are being taken seriously in a relationship. Am I the only one? Am I the first one with a pack of others after me? Am I the fallback option? Am I the latest inductee into his harem?

A girl can hardly ever tell exactly what her position in a mans life is. What you see is what you get.

And just as someone suggested right before the show some girls were set to get their side chic badge today.

This week on the show, we had @Perxian_Pride talking on the topic ‘Are you the side chic, or the real chic?’

Our guest asks, ‘Ladies, have you ever had that sick feeling in your relationship that maybe you aren’t the only one in his life? God knows I have.’

Popular opinion defines the side chic as the girl who is the second, or fall back option for a man. He wants to hang out he calls ‘X’. But she has to work or isn’t feeling too well, then he calls ‘Y’. Note that ‘Y’ wasn’t his first option to go with him to that dinner reception for his boss. Now he wants to have sex, he calls ‘X’, she’s on her period, hell, so he calls ‘Y’. What ‘Y’ is, is a substitute. An option when ‘X’ isn’t available.

But Y of course doesn’t know that she is indeed a substitute. How can she tell he hadn’t asked 3 other girls out to the dance with him before he found her available and willing. Its not like in a game of football where you can clearly tell someone is starting ahead of you, and you’ll only play if he is injured, not match fit or suspended.

But then, as long as one isn’t entirely stupid, sometimes you can clearly read the signs and know you aren’t the only one. Our guest then says that:

‘A side chic may choose to play her role quietly because it’s hurtful when she finds out she’s the side piece
and not where his heart lies. Contrary to what some men think, side chics can maintain their own and they pride in themselves. Some are actually proud to be one.’

The MAIN CHIC – these are the ones that have the guy’s heart. They are the ones too caught up in the idea of being the best.’

The mistake they make is assuming because they have more access to the guy, his house, his family, his friends, it automatically makes them the main chic. You are still being cheated on. Perhaps your being the ‘main chic’ is solely because you are more presentable than the side chic. Or the relationship with the side chic is one that would be objected to on religious, or ethnic grounds from perhaps the family. If you were all he ever needed and more, you would not be cheated on.

Our guests however advices side chics, assuming you already know your status, not to nag, be too clingy nor exhibit jealousy, leaving the main chic to struggle with those and inevitably irritate him enough to drop her and then whoop whoop, there is your promotion.

The tweets poured in and it was a blast from the get go. Some of the interesting comments are presented after the cut.

 

 

Don’t forget to join us again next week for another interesting episode. Follow the hashtag #NHBi to join in and send in your comments using the hashtag. The conversation continues all week, never stops. Have a wonderful week. God bless.

Must Our Wedding Cost A Fortune #NHBiReview S4W4

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Hello guys, it’s Season 4 and Week 4 of the most popular show on Nigerian Tweetersphere. Welcome to yet another review of #NHBi. This week on the show we had Tony Iribor, @tonypox as guest talking on the topic ‘Must Our Wedding Cost a Fortune?’

Tony gets off by saying that the poser by the topic isn’t one that can be easily answered with a yes or no. And then declares that he has never been married before, and therefore cannot say there is an acceptable amount for weddings, and that all he’ll be saying are simply his opinion and not a standard for everyone to adopt. With that said, Tony again makes it clear that we are discussing on the wedding ceremony, not the marriage, does a fortune needs to be spent on the ceremony, the catering, the hall, the bridal dresses from Italy, and the suits from Paris.

Tony says it would be very easy for him to say “you do not have to spend a fortune on your wedding”. And makes a comparison to foreign movies where you see a wedding ceremony of just the bride and groom, parents and family of the couple, officiating minister and that’s all.

“We have a family culture here in Nigeria that goes beyond your father mother and siblings. When a family
celebrates, everyone does. So how will you organise a wedding ceremony and not invite them? How? We celebrate everything in these parts. Naming ceremonies, house warming and all sorts. My honest opinion is simple, what do you want? Can you
afford it? What is the point spending so much on just one day? The wedding ceremony is just one day. you will have days ahead of you. And then we over do it. We go from introduction to engagement or traditional marriage and then to
the court and then to church or the mosque, depending on your religion. To achieve all this, money gets spent. After the church wedding, you now have to entertain. You pay bride price, and God help you, if you are
marrying a lady from that tribe where the bride price comes like a huge text book.”

But then again, all this is assuming that the expenses could be a constraint on your finances. What if they aren’t and you can totally afford them? By all means, please go ahead. Tony says “Who no like better thing? Go to a lovely location. buy
her the best wedding dress of her choice. An amazing ring, you know na.”

“A wedding ceremony is not a food expo for people to come and eat. That you have a big wedding doesn’t guarantee that your marriage will be great. Neither does a small, quiet wedding mean your marriage will not succeed and vice versa. The pressure from family also plays a role but you have to make them understand too if you know you don’t want or can’t afford it.”

And even if by virtue of goodwill from family and friends, and sale of aso-ebi which is a given in every Nigerian wedding today, you can afford it, the wedding still doesn’t have to be overly elaborate or expensive if your status or means is average. Reason being that after the razzmatazz of the wedding ceremony comes the realities of life as a married man or woman, and the responsibilities of raising a family. People save up for their wedding ceremony but don’t save up for raising a family or sending their children to good schools or to having a house of their own to provide a sense of security for the wives and kids. Where is the sense in that?

Tony ended by saying “So, for me, if you can, have a big wedding and if you
cannot, please do not tensioned or feel bad. be happy
with what you can afford.”

On another very engaging night on #NHBi here are some interesting tweets participants sent in.

@NajeebWali: I’ve seen weddings that over 40 million naira was spent on events and superficial bullshit that didn’t last six months.

@doeyhin: If you tell my mother you want a small wedding, she’d wake you up in d middle of the night to ask if you’ve done some evil people shouldn’t hear of.

@nykelodeon: Contrary to what some of you here believe, some big, expensive wedding actually make the marriage work out walai!

@RebelliousXIV: Nigerian weddings have defeated the purpose of wedding night. The couple be so tired from dancing that they cant even lift a finger.

@loynox: Both of you MUST agree to stick to the budget irrespective of external pressure. The lady must see everyone else as third-party.

@jyte12: I’ve seen too many friends break down in the middle of wedding planning. It’s not funny. In the name of ‘making people happy’.

@DapoDan: Its possible to do a wedding and declare a profit after. Someone has done it before.

@Solar_unique: Big wedding is good, but not compulsory, the main thing is marriage. Unfortunately, some people have great wedding but poor
marriage.

@KayodeSomorin: I would have
preferred an Indian wedding though,
the woman pays for everything
including bride price.

@temi_tayo: Wedding. It’s become so capital intensive…Stems from people wanting to outdo the other.

@Elsieisy: Whether low key wedding or high key. At the end of it all, who cares? People will always talk.

@MAW3DO: Like my dad would say, don’t have a lavish wedding and come here a week later to fetch raw rice and beans. -__-

@amasonic: Put plenty dance for your wedding to raise money: Bride/groom, Bride/parents, Groom/parents, Chairman/Chairlady, MC/Cake designer.

@abdulhari108 : ‘Big wedding’ is a
relative term,one man’s big
wedding’ is another mans ‘small
wedding’.

There you have it. That’s all on this weeks review of the show, join us, and tell a friend to tell a friend, next week, Wednesday 9pm(Nigerian time) by following the hashtag #NHBi. Have a wonderful week people. Stay blessed.

Does Age Matter – A Male Perspective by @TonyAtambi #NHBiReview S4W3

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Hello Folks, last week on #NHBi, we opened a discussion on age and relationships, with the topic Does Age Matter? Last week we had the female perspective with Freda, @PinkRubbiez and like promised, the second part held this week with us discussing from the male point of view with Tony Atambi, @TonyAtambi.

Welcome to the review of yet an exciting episode of everyone’s favourite tweet show, #NHBi.

Our guest started by saying that there are no water tight rules regarding age and relationships. In his words, “As a matter of personal belief, I think maturity precedes age. So I respect maturity. Then Age.”

Tony also said he loves to think of relationships as an art, which means that it can be learnt, worked on and mastered. Which then goes on to mean that no matter how young a man may be, if he has mastered the art, one can go ahead and have great relationships, regardless of the age factor. Tony told a personal story where he hit it off greatly with a girl, they started dating and he soon discovered that she was 4 years older than him. He says, he found it hard to deal with and began taking note of the sort of guys that were asking her out and insecurity crept in. To make it worse, his friends kept telling him to find a girl that ‘was his size’.

“Then I made up my mind to ‘play’ the man. I decided I was going to man up and handle my relationship rather than get intimidated…The major thing I learnt from that relationship is that, the stakes are really HIGH, when in a relationship with a lady older, as a guy.”

What exactly makes the stakes high? Tony puts them as 1.) Preparedness. 2.) Respect.  and 3.) Finances.

How prepared are you with dealing with being in a relationship? Because as he says “…the problem with being unprepared is that very soon, she’ll go from being your ‘babe’ to your ‘Mom'”

How much does she respect you? How much does she submit to you as the captain of the relationship?

“There’s a reason God said wives ‘Respect or submit to your husband’. Women are built to love. But respect? She has to learn! But of course, you can ONLY become the man you made your woman see. So you might want to make her
see correctly.”

On finances, “Every sane guy wants to be the ‘provider’, the man ‘taking the lead’. So if he has that CAPACITY, age wouldn’t real be an issue.”

Like always, participants weighed in on the discussion. While you can always follow up by searching for the hashtag #NHBi and chipping in a comment or two on twitter or here on the comments box, here are some of the interesting comments we had on the night.

@EkyShirley: Some ladies have issues with respect as a whole, not just with younger guys. To these ones, please stick to the traditional.

@MAW3DO: I almost dated a friend till I realised the age difference between us was above 3 years(he’s younger). He didn’t care. I did.

@madamedemadame: Some women won’t date or marry a younger man simply because God created Adam before he created Eve.

@AK_Ibe: I think its second nature for babes to want to play mum, whether she’s older or not.

@emma_dele: I’ve always been attracted to ladies of same age bracket or older. I find them more romantic and mature.

That’s all on this weeks review of the show, join us, and tell a friend to tell a friend, next week, Wednesday 9pm(Nigerian time) by following the hashtag #NHBi. Have a wonderful week people. Stay blessed.

Does Age Matter – A Female Perspective with @PinkRubbiez #NHBi S4 W2

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Hello guys. Hope it has been a splendid week for everyone thus far. Welcome to another review of your favourite show on twitter: No Holds Barred Interactive.

This week on the show we had Freda Athena Bernard, @PinkRubbiez talking on the topic ‘Does Age Really Matter in a Relationship?’ Freda began by saying she wasn’t in the position to say whether in fact it mattered, or if it was right or wrong dating being in a relationship with someone with remarkable age difference, but ‘would outline some few things that would help you draw that conclusion on your own.’

She said, ‘Naturally women mature faster than men, you find out that men your age are totally clueless about some stuffs. Now age might not matter, but it depends on the kind of relationship, Is it a fling or do you intend it to lead to marriage?’

Interesting question, I would admit, because ultimately the purpose of the relationship determines whether or not a factor such as age becomes an issue, or a non-issue. If one is dating and the plans are for marriage, when she asks ‘If you are a lady in your mid 30’s and dating a guy in his 20’s, let’s say early 20’s – mid 20’s. Will you respect and submit to him?’ You realise you have some serious thinking to do.

She asks further: ‘What does a 22-25 year old know, how ready is he for marriage? How mature is he mentally? How can he be the man of the house? Will you get pissed and angry when he acts his age? Are his P-setting days over? How comfortable will you be hanging out with his crowd? Or Him with yours? Except you both plan on deserting your friends.’

For the man, the fear as she puts it, might be that the older woman is controlling and submissive, and there is the problem when age begins to tell on her body, especially after childbirth, would the man be able to put up contentedly with ‘sagged boobs’? Funny as we are, the age might not matter now that one ‘is in love’ but when these begin to happen, suddenly the scales fall from his eyes and she suddenly becomes an ‘old mama’.

Freda ended by saying succinctly that ‘Nothing is absolute. Young does not always mean immature.’

If you aren’t erm, one of those people who date older women for their money (remember those Abuja boys from last season) if one brings, maturity and direction to the table and leads the relationship like a proper captain should, age rarely becomes a problem. But in acting unreasonably, and below expectations, an older woman would be quick to point to your age as an excuse even when your actions had nothing to do with your number of years.

This week, while we had the opinion of a female on the matter, next week, we hear the opinion of a male. Balance.

That’s all on this weeks review of the show, join us, and tell a friend to tell a friend, next week, Wednesday 9pm(Nigerian time) by following the hashtag #NHBi. Have a wonderful week people. Stay blessed.

#NHBiReview S4 W1 True Confession: Your First Valentine by @emma_dele

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How long has it been? It certainly seemed like forever. #NHBi has been sorely missed, as well as all you jolly good tweeps who week in, week out make the show the amazing stuff it turns out to be.

Welcome guys, to Season 4 of the show, and for the next 15 weeks, it promises to be a great period of interaction, fun, and learning, done easily when one comes with an open mind devoid of bias and sentiments and all those other stuff that just clog ones reasoning.

Its Valentine season, the month of love, or however cliché way you choose to put it, and well, what better way to start a new season of the show with the theme that is all up in the air. This week we had Nwachukwu Emmanuel Uzodinma Bamidele, @emma_dele as guest and he was talking on the topic ‘True Confession: My First Valentine.’

It was easy to imagine everyone just pause, and take a trip down memory lane, recollecting, picking scraps and shreds of nostalgia and piecing them together. Everyone has their story, tonight we were hearing Dele’s and the attendant lessons he had to share from it.

Dele gave a brief background of his family, and the manner in which he was raised and described it as ‘religious and conservative’. His parents preached on the honour of virginity and the gravity of sex outside marriage. Fear, he says was their model of sex education, ‘the fear of the opposite sex was their weapon.’

“My Dad warned me NEVER to go near, hold or sit with a girl as that would result in her getting pregnant. Needless to say, I believed.”

Just when we taught only girls received this form of ‘sex education’. In senior secondary school, it turned out a girl like Dele, and even went as far as asking him to be her boyfriend.

“I was in 18 then, Rashida would tell me some sweet things. I loved what I saw and heard, but, my father’s words resounded in my head.”

If Rashida was bold enough to ask Dele out, her next move would leave you in shock. At least Dele felt that much.

“One day, Rashida came looking for me, I was alone and had just left the bathroom with only a towel covering my adamic state. I rushed to get my pants but stopped as I saw Rashida
remove her top to reveal 1 of the loveliest boobs I’ve ever seen! Don’t know if she knew boobs are my weakness, but she also got me. She held my hands against her boobs, but I begged her to go I broke down and wept profusely. Rashida was confused and shamefully dressed up and left. I was scared and distressed. When my mum came back, I told her I got a girl pregnant. There was chaos in the house. I told them what happened and they forgave me.”

I’m shaking my head, holding back laughter listening to this guy. But wait, while you are laughing, you were probably worse off.

Dele continues his confession by saying curiosity led him into porn and masturbation. On getting to the university, Dele says one of his goals was to have sex and even though he still didn’t know how to woo a girl, student unionism and tutorial classes he held brought him fame, which translated to lots of female admirers around him.

While he cut the gentleman persona around these girls, who thought he could never harm a fly, our boy just wanted to have sex. He’ll probably never know all the signs he missed and how many girls would have snickered behind him and called him a dull guy.

Finally. Yes, there is indeed a finally for our boy as he says,  “Finally in my 3rd year(2007), I lost my virginity on
Valentine’s day…”

From taking a girl private lessons in ECO 101, Dele got asked to be a girls Valentine and on that day he lost his virginity.

“Due to my obsession to have sex and misconception about val, I saw val’s day as the perfect chance to break the sex yoke. On val’s day, we had sex, it wasn’t close to good sex, but it was all I needed to develop a nasty habit. My 1st Val saw me move from a 24yr old virgin to a man that had sex with 3 ladies in 1 day. I lost control!”

Valentine’s Day means a lot of things to different people, and for many it dwells mostly on sex. Where and how did you get your first lessons on love, sex, proper boy-girl relations, Valentine’s day and the likes? And how did these impressions change over the years? It is important like Dele nicely puts it, for we, when we become parents, and for those of us who already are “to take the responsibility of teaching their kids the truth about sex and things like
Valentine.”

That way, not only would awfully awkward situations be avoided but a healthier and better informed generation would be raised. Our parents might have tried their best in raising us, but looking back, aren’t there areas we would love to improve upon in raising our kids. To think that touching a girls breast made an 18 year old think he had gotten a girl pregnant.

That’s all on this weeks review of the show, join us, and tell a friend to tell a friend, next week, Wednesday 9pm(Nigerian time) by following the hashtag #NHBi. Have a wonderful week people. Stay blessed.