Monthly Archives: March 2014

How Honest Should I Be With My Partner? by @dami_cole #NHBiReview S4W7

Review

I cross my heart and wish to die if I’m not honest about what next I’m about to say: #NHBi time is one I look forward to from the end of one show, up on to the next.

Welcome guys, to this weeks review of the show.

This week we had Dami Cole @dami_cole, talking on the topic “How honest should I be With My Partner?” Whether we care to admit it or not, we have at some time been faced with how much of the truth we should tell, or if we should at all or completely just hoard information from our better half. Whatever course of action people take, there is usually some justification for it ‘You can’t handle the truth’ ‘I didn’t want to hurt you.’ ‘I was afraid you would think me cheap.’ ‘The past is in the past.’ Ok, which other cliches have you good folks used before?

Our guest got off by telling the story of a couple he chose to call Phillip and Rita, who had been dating for 2 years, were in different universities but somehow managed to make it work, because ‘the trust was there.’ Philip opens up to Rita one day on cheating on Rita with a female friend of his, this leaves Rita devastated and it eventually leads to a break up. Years later, Philip meets another girl, starts another relationship but finds it difficult on opening up on the cause of break up in his previous relationship. If he does, would she trust him? Would she have it somewhere at the back of her mind that he could do same again? Would it lead to complications with his present girl?

While you are answering on behalf of Philip, another story.

This one is about Toyin who has been married for 3 years, has a child but still can’t bring herself to tell her husband that she once had an abortion. The said abortion happened when she was 19.

Dami asks “the question is, is it necessary to tell her husband?”

At least to prevent it from doing so…Half-honesty or delayed honesty isn’t fair to partners cos that is what breeds distrust. Its better all things are bared out at the onset of relationships as that will be the best time to actually accept/reject the party. Finally, It is better you are the one telling than your partner finding out!” Don’t we all agree? The truth has no substitute. And we all want to be dealt with honestly. Being honest means, putting your cards out on the table. Sometimes its not about what transpired in previous relationships, sometimes it is about your earnings, or a double lifestyle. Half truth or selective honesty have a way of bouncing back at us. And then we wish we had been open from the on set. People should love you for you really are, and the more you hide some part of you, the less there is of you there is to be accepted and loved. When you bare it all, at least that way the other party knows exactly what he or she is getting into. Don’t they say that honesty is the best policy? Here are some of the interactions from participants on the show.

RAPE!! by @AyodejiOsowobi #NHBiReview S4W6

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Its not strange for a new comer to ask at every show ‘What does #NHBi mean?’ I’ll say this just this once, ‘N’ is for Learning, ‘H’ is for ‘Enlightenment’, ‘B’ is for Fun and I is for Interactive. Ok, I’m just goofing. Maybe not really. But seriously, here on No Holds Barred Interactive, its all that and more thrown into the mix and this week it was a great session of learning and enlightenment for us on the show.

Welcome to the review of yet another not-to-be-forgotten-soon episode of the show. This week on the show, we were taking a stand against the societal menace called Rape. We had as guest on the night Ayodeji Osowobi @AyodejiOsowobi of Stand to End Rape, a Non-Governmental Organisation that seeks to end rape by creating awareness about its devastating effects on our society.

Ayodeji said that rape isn’t a new phenomenon in Nigeria, but that recently it has quite grown out of proportion. She went on to describe rape as a form of ‘gender based violence against girls and women’, with boys and men even being inclusive recently as well.

She defined Rape as when “you penetrate anyone’s body part however slight, with a sexual organ. Any act of force/coercion is also rape.”

People tend to get confused on what rape really is. I’ll break it down for you! Rape is when a person says ‘No’
& you interpret it as ‘Yes'”

She adds that even if one is having sex with a lady and at some point she says ‘Stop’ or ‘No’ and you continue, from there on, it is rape. Which reminds me of a case I heard about where the couple had sex 3 times already and at the 4th time, the woman said ‘No’ and the man went ahead to have his way with her, and the court ruled that he indeed had raped her.

She further enlightens by saying “There is a common misconception on what ‘consent’ really is. Sometimes, a victim can be coerced/threatened to give consent. If an armed robber breaks into your home & says ‘Let me rape you or I’ll kill you!’ I bet you’ll be forced to say ‘yes’ for the fear of death! Hence, it’s important to know that rape isn’t just about ‘consent’, it’s also when ones’ ‘freedom to choose’ is taken forcefully!”

She then talks about rape in the case of minors being technically termed as ‘defilement’.

She says “House girls/boys, aunties/uncles, fathers/brothers have been reported to be perpetrators of defilement. What is our law doing about this?”

She says that the laws we have in Nigeria aren’t stringent hence perpetrators escape justice while victims are left saddled with the job of proving rape.

“Victims of rape even after the psychological humiliation of being raped, see no need to report rape cases. Why? No hope for justice. Victims are most times asked bizarre questions like ‘What were you wearing?’ ‘Did you ask for it?’ ‘Are
you sure you were raped?’ Under the shariah law, if victims can’t prove/don’t have any evidence of being rape, they are seriously canned & tagged ‘fornicators.’ The approach of victims proving rape” has contributed to bring suffering to (most) Nigerian women across the country!”

Ayodeji then quoted results from NOIPolls which say that 34% of 585 sampled adults think that indecent dressing is the leading cause of rape.

“This in itself is a form of victim blaming, which promotes rape one way or the other. Minors don’t dress indecently, yet they get raped. Hence, we need stringent laws, law enforcement officials who are specially trained & a no ‘rape proving’ structure for victims.”

Our guest went on to answer numerous questions from participants. Especially those who were interested in joining her organisation in the Fight to End Rape.

The discussion doesn’t just end here, or on Twitter, we expect everyone who cares about our girls and boys and women to take a stand against rape in our society. After all, if good men do nothing about evil, I trust you know the rest.

Join us again next week on another exciting episode of the show. Have a great week. God bless.

Are You the Real Chic or Side Chic? by @Perxian_Pride #NHBiReview S4W5

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Drum rolls. Fireworks. Applause. Welcome guys to yet another exciting review of everyone’s favourite Twitter show, #NHBi.

Last week on the show we talked about how weddings and expenses with the topic ‘Must our Wedding cost a Fortune?’ Well, before you get to that finish line where the ring actually gets put on your finger, many ladies have to contend with whether or not they are being taken seriously in a relationship. Am I the only one? Am I the first one with a pack of others after me? Am I the fallback option? Am I the latest inductee into his harem?

A girl can hardly ever tell exactly what her position in a mans life is. What you see is what you get.

And just as someone suggested right before the show some girls were set to get their side chic badge today.

This week on the show, we had @Perxian_Pride talking on the topic ‘Are you the side chic, or the real chic?’

Our guest asks, ‘Ladies, have you ever had that sick feeling in your relationship that maybe you aren’t the only one in his life? God knows I have.’

Popular opinion defines the side chic as the girl who is the second, or fall back option for a man. He wants to hang out he calls ‘X’. But she has to work or isn’t feeling too well, then he calls ‘Y’. Note that ‘Y’ wasn’t his first option to go with him to that dinner reception for his boss. Now he wants to have sex, he calls ‘X’, she’s on her period, hell, so he calls ‘Y’. What ‘Y’ is, is a substitute. An option when ‘X’ isn’t available.

But Y of course doesn’t know that she is indeed a substitute. How can she tell he hadn’t asked 3 other girls out to the dance with him before he found her available and willing. Its not like in a game of football where you can clearly tell someone is starting ahead of you, and you’ll only play if he is injured, not match fit or suspended.

But then, as long as one isn’t entirely stupid, sometimes you can clearly read the signs and know you aren’t the only one. Our guest then says that:

‘A side chic may choose to play her role quietly because it’s hurtful when she finds out she’s the side piece
and not where his heart lies. Contrary to what some men think, side chics can maintain their own and they pride in themselves. Some are actually proud to be one.’

The MAIN CHIC – these are the ones that have the guy’s heart. They are the ones too caught up in the idea of being the best.’

The mistake they make is assuming because they have more access to the guy, his house, his family, his friends, it automatically makes them the main chic. You are still being cheated on. Perhaps your being the ‘main chic’ is solely because you are more presentable than the side chic. Or the relationship with the side chic is one that would be objected to on religious, or ethnic grounds from perhaps the family. If you were all he ever needed and more, you would not be cheated on.

Our guests however advices side chics, assuming you already know your status, not to nag, be too clingy nor exhibit jealousy, leaving the main chic to struggle with those and inevitably irritate him enough to drop her and then whoop whoop, there is your promotion.

The tweets poured in and it was a blast from the get go. Some of the interesting comments are presented after the cut.

 

 

Don’t forget to join us again next week for another interesting episode. Follow the hashtag #NHBi to join in and send in your comments using the hashtag. The conversation continues all week, never stops. Have a wonderful week. God bless.

Must Our Wedding Cost A Fortune #NHBiReview S4W4

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Hello guys, it’s Season 4 and Week 4 of the most popular show on Nigerian Tweetersphere. Welcome to yet another review of #NHBi. This week on the show we had Tony Iribor, @tonypox as guest talking on the topic ‘Must Our Wedding Cost a Fortune?’

Tony gets off by saying that the poser by the topic isn’t one that can be easily answered with a yes or no. And then declares that he has never been married before, and therefore cannot say there is an acceptable amount for weddings, and that all he’ll be saying are simply his opinion and not a standard for everyone to adopt. With that said, Tony again makes it clear that we are discussing on the wedding ceremony, not the marriage, does a fortune needs to be spent on the ceremony, the catering, the hall, the bridal dresses from Italy, and the suits from Paris.

Tony says it would be very easy for him to say “you do not have to spend a fortune on your wedding”. And makes a comparison to foreign movies where you see a wedding ceremony of just the bride and groom, parents and family of the couple, officiating minister and that’s all.

“We have a family culture here in Nigeria that goes beyond your father mother and siblings. When a family
celebrates, everyone does. So how will you organise a wedding ceremony and not invite them? How? We celebrate everything in these parts. Naming ceremonies, house warming and all sorts. My honest opinion is simple, what do you want? Can you
afford it? What is the point spending so much on just one day? The wedding ceremony is just one day. you will have days ahead of you. And then we over do it. We go from introduction to engagement or traditional marriage and then to
the court and then to church or the mosque, depending on your religion. To achieve all this, money gets spent. After the church wedding, you now have to entertain. You pay bride price, and God help you, if you are
marrying a lady from that tribe where the bride price comes like a huge text book.”

But then again, all this is assuming that the expenses could be a constraint on your finances. What if they aren’t and you can totally afford them? By all means, please go ahead. Tony says “Who no like better thing? Go to a lovely location. buy
her the best wedding dress of her choice. An amazing ring, you know na.”

“A wedding ceremony is not a food expo for people to come and eat. That you have a big wedding doesn’t guarantee that your marriage will be great. Neither does a small, quiet wedding mean your marriage will not succeed and vice versa. The pressure from family also plays a role but you have to make them understand too if you know you don’t want or can’t afford it.”

And even if by virtue of goodwill from family and friends, and sale of aso-ebi which is a given in every Nigerian wedding today, you can afford it, the wedding still doesn’t have to be overly elaborate or expensive if your status or means is average. Reason being that after the razzmatazz of the wedding ceremony comes the realities of life as a married man or woman, and the responsibilities of raising a family. People save up for their wedding ceremony but don’t save up for raising a family or sending their children to good schools or to having a house of their own to provide a sense of security for the wives and kids. Where is the sense in that?

Tony ended by saying “So, for me, if you can, have a big wedding and if you
cannot, please do not tensioned or feel bad. be happy
with what you can afford.”

On another very engaging night on #NHBi here are some interesting tweets participants sent in.

@NajeebWali: I’ve seen weddings that over 40 million naira was spent on events and superficial bullshit that didn’t last six months.

@doeyhin: If you tell my mother you want a small wedding, she’d wake you up in d middle of the night to ask if you’ve done some evil people shouldn’t hear of.

@nykelodeon: Contrary to what some of you here believe, some big, expensive wedding actually make the marriage work out walai!

@RebelliousXIV: Nigerian weddings have defeated the purpose of wedding night. The couple be so tired from dancing that they cant even lift a finger.

@loynox: Both of you MUST agree to stick to the budget irrespective of external pressure. The lady must see everyone else as third-party.

@jyte12: I’ve seen too many friends break down in the middle of wedding planning. It’s not funny. In the name of ‘making people happy’.

@DapoDan: Its possible to do a wedding and declare a profit after. Someone has done it before.

@Solar_unique: Big wedding is good, but not compulsory, the main thing is marriage. Unfortunately, some people have great wedding but poor
marriage.

@KayodeSomorin: I would have
preferred an Indian wedding though,
the woman pays for everything
including bride price.

@temi_tayo: Wedding. It’s become so capital intensive…Stems from people wanting to outdo the other.

@Elsieisy: Whether low key wedding or high key. At the end of it all, who cares? People will always talk.

@MAW3DO: Like my dad would say, don’t have a lavish wedding and come here a week later to fetch raw rice and beans. -__-

@amasonic: Put plenty dance for your wedding to raise money: Bride/groom, Bride/parents, Groom/parents, Chairman/Chairlady, MC/Cake designer.

@abdulhari108 : ‘Big wedding’ is a
relative term,one man’s big
wedding’ is another mans ‘small
wedding’.

There you have it. That’s all on this weeks review of the show, join us, and tell a friend to tell a friend, next week, Wednesday 9pm(Nigerian time) by following the hashtag #NHBi. Have a wonderful week people. Stay blessed.