Category Archives: Review

Spice Up The Sex – Valentine’s Day Special Edition #NHBi Review S5 W1 by @GinaFatale

Review, , ,

The timing really couldn’t be more perfect. After weeks of postponement, Season 5 of #NHBi finally got to a start on the eve of Valentine’s Day, and we couldn’t have gotten it hotter and more steaming than having @GinaFatale discussing ‘How to Spice Up Your Sex Life.’

Communication, our guest told us is the bedrock to having an awesome sex life.

‘When you communicate with your partner about your sexual desires, limits, fantasies, requests, curiosities, preferences, styles etc, you lay a concrete foundation for an ever evolving and kick ass sex life. That thing that freaked you out yesterday may intrigue u tomorrow; what felt really nice today, might turn out to be too rough and unpleasant tomorrow.
Change is constant, not excluding your sexual preference.’

If you thought all this talk about communication was just textbook material, our guest got down to the nitty gritty with her 10 Tips To Spice Up Your Sex Life.

1. DO IT AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN:
spontaneous sex is good, but not always necessary. Don’t be above making plans & seeing it through

2. Foreplay: not everytime kpa kpa kpa, roll over and snore or throw legs in opposite direction and be doing mhm mhm until it’s over.

Just because u know each other’s body don’t mean u shouldn’t explore it as if it’s the first time. Have single pringle aunty come get d kids. Modulate between luxuriating and passionate urgency, whichever one you choose, bring your A game.

3.Talk Dirty: you really don’t have to get smutty for it to be sexy, 4get what you hear in porn, you’ll end up sounding like a ridiculous pervert.

4. HEAD GAME: it is the season of love, only natural that the head is served as side dish.

Pro tip 1: You don’t always have to stimulate to completion, have fun with it tease, warm , caress, stroke with tongue/hand.
Pro tip 2: Ladies, put your hair in a scrunchie, I don’t know how those porn stars don’t choke on their own hair, be comfortable, it helps.
Pro tip 3: guys, have a pillow beneath her pelvis, it surely is more comfortable for you to give that pleasure.
Pro tip 4: spitting instead of swallowing is NOT a rejection of your partner/ & PLEASE, cumming on the face is not a thing! STOP IT

5. Role Play: You’ve been Mr. X /Mrs X a while now, it’s val, try being a LASTMA official, pepeye or whatever gets u both in the mood.

6.Masturbate for the others pleasure: how else can u can u show your partner how you like it, visual aids are a turn on for everyone.

7. Tell a Story: This goes hand in hand with 6, while partner A is busy with self, help play out that fantasy with a naughty story.

8. Dress Up: Lingerie is for special occasions, valentine et al. it helps too if you are a little too conscious of your body. It helps heighten your libido and don’t sweat it if it gets torn. That’s the whole idea. Throw in a strip tease if you are up for it.

9. Different positions/Locations: Do I really need to explain this part? oh well, I’ll try; I love my bed, its high, comfy, doesn’t squeak, firm, the sheets, so soft, but you hardly remember the do on it unlike d kitchen table, the balcony, the shower stall, aunty’s house, friend’s lawn and the entire creative places you two can find.

10. INVEST IN SEX TOYS: I’m talking cock rings, vibrators, cuffs, blindfolds, ticklers, sex games, sex vouchers, arousal gels etc

Our guest really had quite a curtain raiser of a show for the new season. And her tips just had everyone favoriting and retweeting away.

If you thought this was an enlightening episode, join us again as we return to our regular programming from next week, Wednesday at 9pm Nigerian time.

 

“Why Should My Body Count Matter To My Man?” by @Sugabelly #NHBi Review S5W3

Review, , ,

If last week on the show was amazing, we decided to turn it up a notch with the rebuttal from a female perspective on the discussion from last week. And who else could we have had than the candid and very opinionated @Sugabelly talking on the topic ‘Why Should my body count matter to my man?’

Our guest was quick to get the ground running and took no prisoners in classic No Holds Barred style.

‘So far, I’ve fucked thirteen men. This apparently, is my “body count”. To some men, this is an intolerably high number of foreign penises that automatically disqualifies me as “wifey” material. To me, all it really means is that I like sex. And I’m not alone. We didn’t get to seven billion people without a whole lot of fucking. Men want to have sex with as many women as they like, but also want the women they love to remain virginal and pure in their eyes. This association of sex and filth is problematic as fuck. The very idea that women are somehow “tainted” by other men is bullshit. This idea is the core of Patriarchy – a system set up to liberate men from moral responsibility by placing all the burden on women. By transferring all the religious and social guilt about sexual chastity to women, men free themselves to indulge their sexual urges. And assuage their collective conscience of guilt by policing the sexual behaviour of women. Pussy is not a commodity. Too many men act like they are buying fruit at a market, and if it gets touched too many times, it goes bad. How disturbed a man is by your body count is directly proportional to how insecure he is that you know his sexual prowess ain’t shit. Especially wack men like virgins because they have no frame of reference. There’s no good or bad sex because she doesn’t know any better. Your girl is a virgin, so your dick game becomes the Matrix Nothing there but when you’re inside what do you see? Bomb sex everywhere. IMHO More women should care about their man’s body count. This is the far more important figure. If you men are getting in so much practice fucking all your “hoes”, how come so many women are still enduring bad sex? Men who have fucked half the block and still can’t make you cum aren’t worth the effort it takes to drop your panties. Sometimes it’s about power. A childish urge to possess something no one else has possessed, or that as few people as possible possess. Some men tie a woman’s sexuality to the prospect of their future children. Men feel somehow, that sexual experimentation and motherhood are incompatible. A whore cannot be a mother. A mother must be a saint. No one wants to think about their mother sucking dick. This is why the commonest barbs used to police women’s sexual freedoms often
remind them to think of their future role as mothers. Then there’s also the genetic impulse to avoid disease. A hundred years ago, many sexually transmitted disease were incurable. Because many STDs also affect a developing fetus either during pregnancy or birth a woman’s chance of having STDs became a huge factor. Ergo, it was women who carried the true risk of contaminating one’s innocent future offspring with the consequences of her sluttiness…Rather than worrying about how many guys have eaten your girl out, worry about whether or not she’s a sociopath.
If your girl is “loose” it’s not because she fucks a lot. Vaginas were designed to hold a ten pound baby. Your microdick is not her fault”

Sugabelly dropped it and dropped it like it was sizzling hot. And there is no gainsaying the fact that she did raise valid points. In the eternal battle between the sexes, how long are we going to remain hypocritical, can’t we just agree what is good for the goose is good for the gander? Women don’t have sex with themselves. It takes two to tango. For every body count a woman racks, it counts two on the side of her partner. The men folk are know to be the most outgoing sexually, women are generally more conservative, waiting to be wooed and seduced by the woman. And isn’t it often said that men are polygamous in nature? So if men can go about looking for the next body to conquer, why do women have to take the whack for an attitude and pattern that has been enforced for generations? The debate wouldn’t end here. In sitting rooms and bars, and in quite corners in a house party, its a discussion that is bound to rage on.

There is right and wrong. And there is what society accepts, and what it has openly rejected. But what society has accepted doesn’t always mean what is necessarily in the right. And the true path of development is in talking about these things and constantly evolving attitudes and thought process to the point where we reach the zenith of social development as a people.

Here are some of the comments sent in from participants during the show. Don’t forget to join us again for another exciting episode. Have a blessed week.

“Commitment: Does Body Count Matter?” by @Echecrates S5W1

Review

Ring the alarm!!! NHBi is back for an amazing Season 5. Didn’t we end the last time on a high, and we sure picked up from where we left off.

On the first week of the show this season we had @Echecrates talking on the topic ‘Does Body Count Matter’.

Our guest went straight for the jugular, making a conceptual clarification of what the term body count meant. Something quite necessary because despite the proliferation of the term, not many knew exactly what it meant with many assuming it referred to the number of times one has had sex. But like our guest made it clear, body count refers to the number of individuals a person has had sex with. Apparently taking his discussion from a male point of view, @Echecrates asks, ‘Does HER body count matter?’ (Caps are mine) and for him the answer is both a Yes, and a No.

“A woman’s body count might sometimes serve as the best indicator of her character and whether u can trust her judgment. A high body count can also serve as an indicator of low self esteem. She sleeps with men because she feels like that’s the only way she can keep them. She uses her body as a bargaining chip to buy loyalty. She might no longer be about that life but it’s important to understand the reasons for her high number in order to gauge her mentality.”

What isn’t in any code book however is what exact figure constitutes a high number for a body count. Are there any studies that suggest Nigerians are having more sex and more partners today than they did 30 years ago? How can we all arrive at an agreement on what constitutes a high number for the body count for an individual? Because for some even 4 is a high number. So what we might never be able to all agree on is on what is high or what is low. But then again, the question is ‘Does Body Count Matter?’ Meaning it is not a question of ‘Does a high body count matter?’ If you consider that there are many men who would not have anything to do with a virgin. Eventually, everything boils down to preferences. Some want experience, and don’t care how or where you got it. Others don’t want you with a sexually active past that leaves a trail like Gulliver’s travel. For the insecurity it brings? The baggage it might come along with? Women are like trophies to men. And vice versa. Take it or leave. And no one wants to walk around knowing his or her crown jewel was once the spitting bowl of the yard. So don’t ask, right? Let the past be in the past. That’s easier said than done. Because when you go out often with your missus and run into her 5th ex, and another whom ‘We didn’t exactly date, we just had something going on’ you might begin to wonder if your boss or your randy cousin hasn’t perhaps eaten a slice of your cake.

Our guest had this to say to women who might be perceived as having a high body count:

“Just don’t put your man in a position
where he’s interacting with other men
who’ve been with u without being aware of it Men hate getting blind sided like that. Don’t let me play FIFA with a man who knows how your pussy tastes. If u think there’s the slightest possibility your man might come into contact with a body from your past. Let homie know so he’s prepared. Your man finding out about a body from your past from outside sources rather than from u hurts like hell. Because he starts to question every other thing u have ever told him.”

The topic this week generated a lot of buzz. And it wasn’t just because #NHBi had been missed over the break. With many seeing the topic taken from a mans perspective and not allowing women talk about the case of a man having a high body count too, I mean, why would men be the ones who can freely sow their wild oats and women can’t, the case for a rebuttal was strongly made, and perhaps we might just see that on the next episode of the show. Meanwhile, here are some tweets that made the rounds during the show.

Don’t miss out on another exciting episode this week and the week after that. You just got your Wednesdays back!

Pregnant Women and Work-Family Balance by @gbemisoke #NHBi Review S4W9

Review,

Multi-tasking is so cool, when all at the same time you are chatting with your friends on the phone, watching your favourite sit-com on TV, micro-waving some quick fix meal, and with your books spread out in front of you, that is your assignment you are trying to do. Easy stuff, hey, you do this all the time. Right?

Real world.

You are 29. Pregnant with the second child. The first is in kindergarten. And thankfully your Poppa sent you to school so you aren’t some run off the mill housewife, and no you won’t sit at home for some cheap allowance from husby, yes, yes, you’ve got to work.

But then with all this, creating something is necessary, indeed very paramount. That something is – Balance.

Welcome to this weeks review of #NHBi.

This week on the show we were talking ‘Pregnant Women and Family-Work Balance.’

We had as guest @Gbemisoke speaking on the topic.

Our guest was of the opinion that the Family-Work balance is one that many women aspire to but never really attain it. And then while many might retort that they know women who have it all, great family, wonderful career and all the other accomplishments to go with, what these people think they know is actually from afar and have no idea the realities that these women deal with everyday.

So if a pregnant women is striving for this ‘elusive’ family work balance what exactly is she to do? Our guest says she has several options.

“One. Be angry. Stay angry. Insist the whole arrangement is unfair and decide to be the exception to the rule. Or, two.  Make deliberate choices about which opportunities to pursue and which ones to give up.”

Life is about choices, @Gbemisoke says, when you make a choices you invariably give up something. When you do not make a choice, one way or another it gets made for you.

And then some rhetoric. “Is it fair that a (pregnant) woman has to make choices that men don’t have to worry about?”

“Can you have it all? Yes. Can you have it all? No. Why? The definition of ‘all’ varies from person to person. Decide what your “all” is. Successful people have learned to define what success means to them. Be deliberate about you choices. Don’t let anyone
guilt trip you into thinking your choices are poor because they differ from theirs. If you choose to give up work because you think caring for your kids is more important, think about what you have to give up. And if you choose to give up caring for your kids because you think caring work is more important, think about what you have to give up.”

Balancing is a tough thing to achieve. And not just in the Family-Work circle. After the first or the second time, a pregnant woman might get adept at maintaining this balance. Experience has to count for something at some point. Some of the things to consider when trying to achieve this balance might be staying healthy for yourself and the baby. Work needs you, family needs you, and so does the life growing inside you. But then, you won’t function in your capacity in these areas if you aren’t fit and healthy. So yes, becoming ‘selfish’ is totally allowed. For a pregnant woman, the sensitivity of people around her has to increase by some 3-fold. But then we are back to choices because when you feel you can handle the pressure and don’t give yourself some measure of breathing space, none would be given to you. So you have to PUT YOURSELF FIRST.



Secondly, ASK FOR HELP. When you are pregnant, you have half of your strength. Ok, I’m no womens health expert, but with pregnant women, that is what it pretty much seems like. So going about doing the things the way you used to would only wear you out. Don’t be afraid or too proud to ask for help. Focus. Remember the goal is to achieve balance, handle family and work at the same time, while being pregnant successfully. So whether in your work place, or at home, ask for help. From the intern, the janitor, the secretary, your colleagues, the husband, his brother who came over for holidays, your parents. Ask for help. Who wouldn’t want to lend a hand when you ask nicely.

DO NOT PROCRASTINATE. This only leaves a pile of more work for you to do. Clear your table as soon as you can and move on to the next task, whether at home or at work. This way there is no conflict between awaiting assignments to be completed and chores to be done. Your mind stays unclogged, there is less pressure and balance doesn’t seem too elusive now.

What tips do you have on attaining Family-Work balance for the pregnant woman? Be kind enough to share.

That’s it for this week on #NHBi. Join us again next week for another interesting episode. Bye bye now. Have a great week.

How Honest Should I Be With My Partner? by @dami_cole #NHBiReview S4W7

Review

I cross my heart and wish to die if I’m not honest about what next I’m about to say: #NHBi time is one I look forward to from the end of one show, up on to the next.

Welcome guys, to this weeks review of the show.

This week we had Dami Cole @dami_cole, talking on the topic “How honest should I be With My Partner?” Whether we care to admit it or not, we have at some time been faced with how much of the truth we should tell, or if we should at all or completely just hoard information from our better half. Whatever course of action people take, there is usually some justification for it ‘You can’t handle the truth’ ‘I didn’t want to hurt you.’ ‘I was afraid you would think me cheap.’ ‘The past is in the past.’ Ok, which other cliches have you good folks used before?

Our guest got off by telling the story of a couple he chose to call Phillip and Rita, who had been dating for 2 years, were in different universities but somehow managed to make it work, because ‘the trust was there.’ Philip opens up to Rita one day on cheating on Rita with a female friend of his, this leaves Rita devastated and it eventually leads to a break up. Years later, Philip meets another girl, starts another relationship but finds it difficult on opening up on the cause of break up in his previous relationship. If he does, would she trust him? Would she have it somewhere at the back of her mind that he could do same again? Would it lead to complications with his present girl?

While you are answering on behalf of Philip, another story.

This one is about Toyin who has been married for 3 years, has a child but still can’t bring herself to tell her husband that she once had an abortion. The said abortion happened when she was 19.

Dami asks “the question is, is it necessary to tell her husband?”

At least to prevent it from doing so…Half-honesty or delayed honesty isn’t fair to partners cos that is what breeds distrust. Its better all things are bared out at the onset of relationships as that will be the best time to actually accept/reject the party. Finally, It is better you are the one telling than your partner finding out!” Don’t we all agree? The truth has no substitute. And we all want to be dealt with honestly. Being honest means, putting your cards out on the table. Sometimes its not about what transpired in previous relationships, sometimes it is about your earnings, or a double lifestyle. Half truth or selective honesty have a way of bouncing back at us. And then we wish we had been open from the on set. People should love you for you really are, and the more you hide some part of you, the less there is of you there is to be accepted and loved. When you bare it all, at least that way the other party knows exactly what he or she is getting into. Don’t they say that honesty is the best policy? Here are some of the interactions from participants on the show.

Are You the Real Chic or Side Chic? by @Perxian_Pride #NHBiReview S4W5

Review, Uncategorized, , ,

Drum rolls. Fireworks. Applause. Welcome guys to yet another exciting review of everyone’s favourite Twitter show, #NHBi.

Last week on the show we talked about how weddings and expenses with the topic ‘Must our Wedding cost a Fortune?’ Well, before you get to that finish line where the ring actually gets put on your finger, many ladies have to contend with whether or not they are being taken seriously in a relationship. Am I the only one? Am I the first one with a pack of others after me? Am I the fallback option? Am I the latest inductee into his harem?

A girl can hardly ever tell exactly what her position in a mans life is. What you see is what you get.

And just as someone suggested right before the show some girls were set to get their side chic badge today.

This week on the show, we had @Perxian_Pride talking on the topic ‘Are you the side chic, or the real chic?’

Our guest asks, ‘Ladies, have you ever had that sick feeling in your relationship that maybe you aren’t the only one in his life? God knows I have.’

Popular opinion defines the side chic as the girl who is the second, or fall back option for a man. He wants to hang out he calls ‘X’. But she has to work or isn’t feeling too well, then he calls ‘Y’. Note that ‘Y’ wasn’t his first option to go with him to that dinner reception for his boss. Now he wants to have sex, he calls ‘X’, she’s on her period, hell, so he calls ‘Y’. What ‘Y’ is, is a substitute. An option when ‘X’ isn’t available.

But Y of course doesn’t know that she is indeed a substitute. How can she tell he hadn’t asked 3 other girls out to the dance with him before he found her available and willing. Its not like in a game of football where you can clearly tell someone is starting ahead of you, and you’ll only play if he is injured, not match fit or suspended.

But then, as long as one isn’t entirely stupid, sometimes you can clearly read the signs and know you aren’t the only one. Our guest then says that:

‘A side chic may choose to play her role quietly because it’s hurtful when she finds out she’s the side piece
and not where his heart lies. Contrary to what some men think, side chics can maintain their own and they pride in themselves. Some are actually proud to be one.’

The MAIN CHIC – these are the ones that have the guy’s heart. They are the ones too caught up in the idea of being the best.’

The mistake they make is assuming because they have more access to the guy, his house, his family, his friends, it automatically makes them the main chic. You are still being cheated on. Perhaps your being the ‘main chic’ is solely because you are more presentable than the side chic. Or the relationship with the side chic is one that would be objected to on religious, or ethnic grounds from perhaps the family. If you were all he ever needed and more, you would not be cheated on.

Our guests however advices side chics, assuming you already know your status, not to nag, be too clingy nor exhibit jealousy, leaving the main chic to struggle with those and inevitably irritate him enough to drop her and then whoop whoop, there is your promotion.

The tweets poured in and it was a blast from the get go. Some of the interesting comments are presented after the cut.

 

 

Don’t forget to join us again next week for another interesting episode. Follow the hashtag #NHBi to join in and send in your comments using the hashtag. The conversation continues all week, never stops. Have a wonderful week. God bless.

How Sexually Open Are You With Your Partner #NHBiReview S3W13

Review, , , ,

9 pm. NHBi time and the kids should have been put to bed because things were about to get really heated.

Welcome guys to this weeks review of the show. Vickie Aluta-Obueh, @Dames_Caucus was our guest this week and she was talking on ‘How sexually open are you with your partner?’.

Vickie who owns a ‘Naija themed erotic blog’ quickly dismisses the notion of being a sexpert and says emails from her readers would be the basis for her opinion on the topic.
‘I realized that a lot of couples are not sexually open with each other, much as they pretend to be. It might
sound strange but its true.’

Why exactly is this so? Why are couples inhibited when it comes to talking about or sharing on their sexuality with their spouses or partners?

‘…Could it be tradition? Individual decision? Or good old hypocrisy?’ She asks

‘I have had emails from both men and women, complaining about their sexual unease with their spouse. And truthfully, I have often wondered WHY this is so? If you take an oath, promising to be with someone till eternity shouldn’t you share your deepest fantasies or sexual desires with such a person?’

I’ve gotten emails from men that tell me they like being sucked, tea-bagged and rimmed but they can’t ask their spouse to do it. I have had several emails from women that crave oral sex but their husband won’t do it. A few have even told me they love anal sex but fear of God won’t allow them ask their spouse. Why? So he won’t look at her like damaged goods.’

Vickie says this basically boils down to a faulty foundation built on lies. She says when she first met her husband one of the first things she told him about her was her high sex drive. Even when friends advised against it for fear that she might scare him away.

‘This is a man I intend to spend the rest of my life with. Am I gonna be doing missionary till my pubes collapse?’ She continues ‘My question now is “Did you marry your spouse, plan to live forever and get your sexual gratification outside your home?”‘

Oya answer.

Interestingly when, a person keeps mute as regards his or her sexual fantasies, the partner may just be waiting and willing to hear them talk about it, and do for them everything they want. And then surprisingly you find people talking to friends and even strangers online about their sexual frustrations rather than talk with the one person who has the key to unlock it all for them, their partner.

‘But, the bottom line of this my sermon is you can’t be married and have sexual inhibitions. It is just not
right. Men, you’ve gotta be OPEN to ur wives. Tell her HOW to please u. If u can tell girlfriend to RIDE u
Bronco-Style u can also tell madam. If madam is not jacking waist the way you like, Dude,
you paid dowry, tell her to JACK THAT ISH and pleasure the hell outta you. Women, if oga only rolls on top, thrusts a few times and rolls out, grab him and tell him to POUND YOU! It is ya RIGHT! If you’re tired of Missionary, don’t even bother to
tell him. Set that ass and throw it in the air, let
him collect from behind. Life is hard enough with Bills, School fees, feeding, family winchy to come and add sexual frustration into the mix. In conclusion, I’m gonna have to implore the couples on here to go back, sit with your spouse, share a drink and start talking.’

Wow! All that fiestiness. Our guest definitely held us spell bound. And there were the jokes, and the mock innocence, needless to say to was a very interesting and educating edition on the show. If one didn’t take away anything, whether you are married now or not, the importance to talk with your partner on your expectations in the bedroom was well emphasised and every one can certainly hold on to that if not anything else.

But marriage like every other partnership is very much about compromise. If your needs or wants are a tad uncomfortable or  painful for your partner, compromise, let it go or better still take it slow. You have your years well ahead of you. If at first suggestion, they frown on the idea of a new trick don’t feel let down or take it out on them somewhere else, it is a process and where they never come around, find other means within your relationship to explore your other tendencies. There should be no excuse for infidelity.

Here are some of the very interesting comments from the show. Enjoy.

@hanny4all: Interesting topic oh…Nobody wants to be termed ‘freak’ or ‘whore’ hence the pretence.

@amasonic: Many men be nacking outside cos their sexual fantasies can be fulfilled. Meanwhile, they never even asked madam

@Mister_Mobility: Once either spouse begins to feel the need to hold back about sexual desires, things begin to fall apart.

@MASKURAID: For most 9ja men,any new moves by wifey means she’s keeping bad company. Or she been creeping. Men need to grow up.

@ChukyUnfazed: If a couple need to watch porn to enjoy their conjugal rights and know what to do, then they are of all ppl,most miserable.

@TonyAtambi: The chief reason for being uptight sexually in a marriage is religious inclinations and moral beliefs.

@SechiprolifiQ: Truth be told, if you don’t give me a platform to talk about everything with you, I cannot be free with you in bed.

@EkyShirley: I’m ready to be your
freak in the sheets, we just have to be honest with each other about it. And non-judgemental.

@SeunAfuwape: TBH, I see no reason why couples should not be free to discuss their sexual drive. They should be NAKED about it and not ASHAMED.

@SheisNeomi: Husband tells wifey he fantasize about another woman sucking her. She deny him sex for one week. Lmaoooooooo!

@DeliciousAmina: Pls don’t get ‘Spiritual’ in the bedroom o! The Marriage bed is Holy in ALL! You both just need to decide where u wnt to draw the line.

Caleb Olorunmaiye
@_Ceefour

Now That We Are Married, Who Pays the Bills? #NHBiReview S3W11

Review, ,

When it is time to talk money these days, you people will just be squeezing face and shining eyes. This has nothing to do with the exposure of the Abuja Gold Diggers the other day does it? Ok, we get it the country is hard. Just smile, its NHBi review time.

Welcome guys to this week’s review of the greatest show on twittersphere. *cue applause*. Nice. We had Uche Briggs, @UcheBriggs as guest talking on the topic ‘Now that we are married, who foots the bills?’

Quick question; Why do people get married? Love? Children? Companionship? Societal pressures? Money? Yes, money is definitely on the list too, however you want to look at it. But of course no one admits it openly that ‘I married because of her money, her father owns two oil blocks and she is an only child’, or I married Chief for his money, God knows I didn’t come to this world to suffer. *insert nollywood theme song*

Our guest gets off by asking if the man shoulder the financial responsibility in the household alone or should it be a joint partnership? Wait, he told me he would take care of me if I married him, what’s all these questions for, has he gotten broke? Uche says ‘unattended expectations’ is one of the factors responsible for relationships coming to an end. ‘It is thus important that the issue of financial responsibility should be discussed extensively between spouses.’ He continues ‘Who should foot the bills? One thing I know is that in many homes, money translates to participation…’ not the No contribution, no chopping kind of thing boys do in school hostels ‘Many women can’t make ‘pim’ because they don’t bring a dime to the table. Their voices are stifled because they don’t contribute financially…based on this point the reasonable argument would be a joint partnership…’

‘All things being equal wives should not be financially responsible for households.’ All things being equal eh, but everyone knows all things are never equal these days. Our guests admits these much ‘Now I understand the socio-economic realities and I know there are deviations from this ideal. We have all been in that situation where things are tough and we have to momentarily depend on our spouse. But let’s get this straight, that a woman is financially providing does not mean it is her responsibility to.’

Uche then proceeds to spite men who live off the toil of their wives and feel comfortable doing so, and concludes that whatever arrangement a couple has should be one they have discussed and not happened upon, but personally he would rather that his woman doesn’t.

What we might want to note here is perhaps the delineation of roles, and clarification of words. Especially words like responsibility which happened to be used very often on this episode of the show. The role of provision is bestowed upon the man, agreed? Good. The role of home raising falls on the woman, right? Does this mean a man can’t change diapers or help with the childrens assignment just because he provides for the family? No matter what is in the book ideally, with time and experience, you discover that delineated roles don’t count for much especially when there is a goal in sight and the partners involved are more concerned with reaching that goal together rather than allowing pride and ego take over and then proceed to trade blames when something fails.  Point is, a married couple in essence become one, should operate as one, think as one. What this means is that, the lines that separate traditional roles fade causing for a greater support system to be in function. Bills haven’t been paid, whose bills? The husbands bills or the wife’s? It is the teams bill. So if one is not in the immediate position to take care of it, without being asked, begged or cajoled the other should. It is like a striker clearing the ball off the goal line to stop his team from conceding a goal. Is it his job to save or to score goals?

Many women would be comfortable with a man who is capable of handling all the bills, but it doesn’t breed responsibility and frankly when your children grow and notice you have to wait for Daddy to come back before all their needs are attended to, they will have very little respect for you.

Abuja Big Boys. How market? We still haven’t gotten the promised robust reply. Our patience is thinning. But I wonder how much pride is left of men who push financial responsibilities over to their women just because they are capable of handling it. Whatever the case, money matters should be properly handled by a couple with plenty of communication with each knowing where he stands. This would save the team, the family, embarrassment and hurtful experiences.

Participants from the show had plenty to say, enjoy some of the selected tweets below.

@nisots: As long as the man is not lazy, he takes up his responsibility, the ideal thing to do as a woman is to support him all the way.

@toksy27: These same men screaming ‘sole provider’ will not save for rainy days, take life insurance or write a will in case of demise

@kolawole_john: Whether you pay all the bills or she does, truth is one person or the two will have to do, for your union to survive. Don’t struggle.

@madamedemadame: I work, he works! He brings food to the table, I bring water. Its a union not a liability.

@Emveepee_1: If you truly love your hubby, you’ll be willing to support him, forget all this rubbish from Nollywood.

@merdip: If he insists I don’t pay anything I will create a ‘superficial’ bill for myself and pay it into ‘Bills Saving Account’

@anafricandiva: Seriously, this splitting bills matter is ridiculous. It has always been a turn off. She can help out when necessary but not as a norm.

How to End Relationships #NHBiReview S3 W11

Review,

Some people, I can’t mention names now, but there were indeed some people who were on the verge of a mini heart attack when at about 9.30pm our host Mark Amaza, @amasonic, announced that we would not be having our regular tweetshow, that’s the word in vogue now, but rather some sort of feedback session owing to technical glitches. Someone was hyperventilating beside me when our guest for the night Uncle Efe @HL_Blue stumbled on stage, muttering something inaudible and thanking the host profusely in the process. What an entrance.

Welcome to our review of this week’s show on #NHBi. Our stage stumbling guest, Uncle Efe, was speaking on ‘How to End relationships.’ There are a thousand and one ways to end relationships of course, but I suppose here on #NHBi we wouldn’t be considering an Oscar Pistorious style, because yes indeed, that is one way to end relationships. But talking about healthy means to cut it off, without having bad blood and bitterness and anger in its aftermath, what are the options really? As much variety as we have in pick up lines, I suppose there are as many in break up lines. I mean, there are the classics ‘Its not you, its me, you deserve someone much more better than I.’ And then the spiritual, ‘My pastor said…’ You can take it up from there, can’t you? Then how about making your parents or the other persons tribe the scapegoat; ‘Baby you know how my parents feel about Ibo guys, let’s just end it now before it is too late.’ Humans are wired for survival, and when a relationship begins to choke you, you get all sorts of creative in devising a mechanism, or just the words to end it.

The important thing about ending a relationship is that to do so effectively, you must have been in control of the relationship. Our guest makes this point clear enough when he likens breaking up in a relationship to driving a car in a journey. When you are tired and want out, you simply just pull over, turn off the ignition, un buckle your seat belt and simply walk away. Compare it to if you are in the passenger it and you aren’t in control. You want to get off, and the driver isn’t going to let you off easy, hell he could run you into a tree trunk.

‘If you are the driver in the relationship your own is good. Just turn off the engine and come down. Or you can just travel for your masters. Be like, Jesus take the wheel of this relationship and jump out like that.’ He continues ‘However, many of you are not in the drivers seat of your relationship that is why you are asking how to end them.’

Then, there was one of those affirmative self help things councillors and public speaking people do that Uncle Efe asked us to do. Me I was tired, but hey, I didn’t want to be the guy who everyone refers to as the sceptic who don’t think these things work. So when he asked us to put our right hand on our chest, I promptly did and we repeated after him ‘I will not be the passenger in my relationship.’ Breath deep. You see, that was helpful.

And then, we had to talk about our relationships, the ones we want to end but don’t know how, Uncle Efe was here to give us advise. And advise he gave. Check out this one: ‘There is this lovely way of ending a relationship. Just call the other person and say, call me back, anytime credit finishes we’re over.’ Ouch!

‘Or you tear your dresses into pieces and tell him if you can repair this dress then you can repair our relationship.’ And he warns, there are no wrong methods of breaking up.

And then we had to share our worst break-up story. This really got me emo and all, *sniffs*, I remember I left, then came back, but couldn’t really take it anymore I just had to leave again.

Relationships are difficult to end. And while you are pondering how to end it, maybe for lack of courage or lack of words, remember how you suffered the same way when you were going to approach her in the first place. However much disdain you harbour for this person right now though, it is important to treat people with respect, I mean that is what you would want yourself isn’t it. That way it is easier for the other person to move on, at least that is one thing you would really want. It is also nice to know why it didn’t work, it could help the other person improve on themselves or their next relationships.

Here are select tweets from the discussion this week, not enough space to put as many as we would liked, too much hilarious stuff, and real talk. The combo is what makes it real fun.

@Omojuwa: You don’t have to break up, just walk away. By the time you are back someone else will be going through that door anyway.

@suave_sultan: Another break up story I heard, niccur just yelled another girls name as he was ejaculating. She never came back.

@tayoboy: Got her to find weed in my pockets. Never even smoked cigarettes. She thought she did the dumping. Every one is happy

@topeatiba: some people are experts at working you up till you leave. Kinda like bosses that would rather not sack you

@rosanwo: Guy: Babe, I cheated on you, I know you will leave me, sorry. Babe: So, I forgive you. Guy: No, I can’t forgive myself, its over.

@iAmKingsiju: Break-ups are the tough part of a relationship, if you have to do it be firm and nice.

@STONEHENGENG: Put Barry White’s ‘Kiss and say goodbye’ when she is around. Lol

@OmowonuolaMaja: Sha bring scotch, ice cream and cake with chocolate when you are coming to break up with me. At least there is something to binge on.

@HRHTega1: Must we break up? Can’t we just fizzle out like candle wey don finish. No need for senrere

Caleb Olorunmaiye

Should Single Women Hide their Money? #NHBiReview S3 W9

Review, , ,

single woman hiding money

Or maybe we should put it this way, ‘Should Wealthy Single Women Downplay Their Wealth’?  At least that is what our guest @ebonyoma seems to think, saying that the topic at first glance may seem as if we are talking about being stingy.

Welcome guys to another review of yet another wonderful edition of #NHBi. So, should single women, no matter how much they have, hide their money? Should they play it down so that they do not intimidate men or scare off prospective suitors? Whatever it is your viewpoint is or was, #NHBi gets to usually solidify it, or provide some other perspective that informs and educates and when received with an open mind improves on what it is that you stand for.

Oma says “For years, a lot of us women have heard stuff like ‘don’t display your money o. don’t buy car o. So that you don’t intimidate men’”. And she says advice to a single woman not to do things such as renting her own apartment, or buying a car, comes from all sort of places, friends, colleagues, family and even pastors. She asks ‘As a single woman with a source of income or inheritance or both, why shouldn’t I live how I please?  If I can afford a car why shouldn’t I buy one for myself, or why should I buy a rickety one? If I can afford to dine in expensive restaurants or take myself on holidays, why shouldn’t I?”

Or more controversially, if I can afford a cook or a housekeeper, why shouldn’t I get one? Because I’m unmarried?” The advice against such to a single woman no matter how well meaning, she says, has never made sense to her. ‘It is the same as telling a woman to act dumb or pretend not to know something so as not to intimidate a man.’

She says it’s not about competing with men but about working hard and getting what you want on yourself. In her opinion, the only reason why a woman might need to downplay her wealth is to avoid gold diggers?

Suddenly the conversation veered to a lane no one even envisaged. Gold diggers. Male gold diggers. Who knew? Oma says, ‘For years the word golddigger has been attached to solely women. From the stereotypical dumb blonde who marries a very old, wealthy man to a girl innocently asking a guy how much he earns.’ She continues ‘But tonigt, ladies and gentlemen, especially ladies, I am happy to inform you that there are MALE golddiggers.’

Pause. Shock. Gasps.  Feet shuffling. A few men take their leave. Women break into a spirited series of claps and boos. I just bowed my head. ‘They are increasing in number, especially in Abuja.’ Gobe! More men take their leave. We should have put security at the door.

‘These men are everywhere. From nightclubs to offices to banks and even churches!’ What do miners have to fear in the presence of God? Oma goes on to give signs on how ladies can recognise these golddiggers. Wasn’t surprised to see women bringing out their writing pads.

  1. They are smooth talkers. Whoosh. The quintessential male gold diggers and the Casanova have that in common.
  2. They lie a lot.
  3. They never appear to be broke or poor. They put up the appearance of big boys with big ‘projects’ so that when they start asking you for money, you won’t be suspicious.

Who are their preys? ‘Rich, single women. Mostly in their thirties and older because they are emotionally vulnerable. Women who are desperate to settle down because of loneliness or family pressure.’ And she closes thus ‘But despite all these, should a single, wealthy woman hide her wealth? Or deny herself pleasures she can afford? No. I do not think so. You can buy that car? Please do. You can afford that vacation? Please go. Life is for the living. What is the point in working so hard if you cannot enjoy the fruits of your labour?’

By the time our guest Oma was done, the Abuja boys where nowhere to be found. And there were all these subs flying from perhaps women who had had first hand experiences of these golddiggers.

But in all of these, my take is that if you have money, spend it on what you want to, but be careful on , the kind of guys you attract and secondly, that your money doesn’t  get you arrogant and proud. These pitfalls are necessary to avoid because when they aren’t it becomes a lose-lose situation for you.

 

@onaives: Where I come from a man is not permitted to receive any form of money from a woman regardless of her financial status

@aarsheedah: As a lady, from your father’s house straight to husband’s house. Living alone makes no sense

@wildeyeq: Even chicks wey no get copper dey fear Gold-digger. We see una

@oyinkolawa: That was how one told me to give him 500k that he was going to ad 1M and get me a car. I told him to try another trick.

@afobajee: some tweeps be taking this gold digger thing personal. Victims maybe?

@DABRAINIAC: Women are always having to downplay themselves to soothe the egos of men and society and that in my opinion is an insult to both men and women

@miss_nelo: Ladies spend your money but please stay humble. Spending your money is different from flaunting it.

@Emveepee_1: I know of a lady who is no longer driving her Honda because she is looking for a man to marry. Advice from family. She moves about on bike.

@miss_nelo: Be rest assured that if you downplay your wealth to get a man, you will compromise on a lot of things after marriage. Career, your future, your goals…

@OreFakorede: Stay alert. A man who keeps coming to you with bills is not really a man, he is a leech…and he will suck you dry.

So it seems this week’s edition of #NHBi did a lot of damage to the hustle of Abuja boys. They have promised us a robust reply. We wait patiently. Until then and till next week, God bless.

Caleb Olorunmaiye.