When it is time to talk money these days, you people will just be squeezing face and shining eyes. This has nothing to do with the exposure of the Abuja Gold Diggers the other day does it? Ok, we get it the country is hard. Just smile, its NHBi review time.
Welcome guys to this week’s review of the greatest show on twittersphere. *cue applause*. Nice. We had Uche Briggs, @UcheBriggs as guest talking on the topic ‘Now that we are married, who foots the bills?’
Quick question; Why do people get married? Love? Children? Companionship? Societal pressures? Money? Yes, money is definitely on the list too, however you want to look at it. But of course no one admits it openly that ‘I married because of her money, her father owns two oil blocks and she is an only child’, or I married Chief for his money, God knows I didn’t come to this world to suffer. *insert nollywood theme song*
Our guest gets off by asking if the man shoulder the financial responsibility in the household alone or should it be a joint partnership? Wait, he told me he would take care of me if I married him, what’s all these questions for, has he gotten broke? Uche says ‘unattended expectations’ is one of the factors responsible for relationships coming to an end. ‘It is thus important that the issue of financial responsibility should be discussed extensively between spouses.’ He continues ‘Who should foot the bills? One thing I know is that in many homes, money translates to participation…’ not the No contribution, no chopping kind of thing boys do in school hostels ‘Many women can’t make ‘pim’ because they don’t bring a dime to the table. Their voices are stifled because they don’t contribute financially…based on this point the reasonable argument would be a joint partnership…’
‘All things being equal wives should not be financially responsible for households.’ All things being equal eh, but everyone knows all things are never equal these days. Our guests admits these much ‘Now I understand the socio-economic realities and I know there are deviations from this ideal. We have all been in that situation where things are tough and we have to momentarily depend on our spouse. But let’s get this straight, that a woman is financially providing does not mean it is her responsibility to.’
Uche then proceeds to spite men who live off the toil of their wives and feel comfortable doing so, and concludes that whatever arrangement a couple has should be one they have discussed and not happened upon, but personally he would rather that his woman doesn’t.
What we might want to note here is perhaps the delineation of roles, and clarification of words. Especially words like responsibility which happened to be used very often on this episode of the show. The role of provision is bestowed upon the man, agreed? Good. The role of home raising falls on the woman, right? Does this mean a man can’t change diapers or help with the childrens assignment just because he provides for the family? No matter what is in the book ideally, with time and experience, you discover that delineated roles don’t count for much especially when there is a goal in sight and the partners involved are more concerned with reaching that goal together rather than allowing pride and ego take over and then proceed to trade blames when something fails. Point is, a married couple in essence become one, should operate as one, think as one. What this means is that, the lines that separate traditional roles fade causing for a greater support system to be in function. Bills haven’t been paid, whose bills? The husbands bills or the wife’s? It is the teams bill. So if one is not in the immediate position to take care of it, without being asked, begged or cajoled the other should. It is like a striker clearing the ball off the goal line to stop his team from conceding a goal. Is it his job to save or to score goals?
Many women would be comfortable with a man who is capable of handling all the bills, but it doesn’t breed responsibility and frankly when your children grow and notice you have to wait for Daddy to come back before all their needs are attended to, they will have very little respect for you.
Abuja Big Boys. How market? We still haven’t gotten the promised robust reply. Our patience is thinning. But I wonder how much pride is left of men who push financial responsibilities over to their women just because they are capable of handling it. Whatever the case, money matters should be properly handled by a couple with plenty of communication with each knowing where he stands. This would save the team, the family, embarrassment and hurtful experiences.
Participants from the show had plenty to say, enjoy some of the selected tweets below.
@nisots: As long as the man is not lazy, he takes up his responsibility, the ideal thing to do as a woman is to support him all the way.
@toksy27: These same men screaming ‘sole provider’ will not save for rainy days, take life insurance or write a will in case of demise
@kolawole_john: Whether you pay all the bills or she does, truth is one person or the two will have to do, for your union to survive. Don’t struggle.
@madamedemadame: I work, he works! He brings food to the table, I bring water. Its a union not a liability.
@Emveepee_1: If you truly love your hubby, you’ll be willing to support him, forget all this rubbish from Nollywood.
@merdip: If he insists I don’t pay anything I will create a ‘superficial’ bill for myself and pay it into ‘Bills Saving Account’
@anafricandiva: Seriously, this splitting bills matter is ridiculous. It has always been a turn off. She can help out when necessary but not as a norm.
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