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Spice Up The Sex – Valentine’s Day Special Edition #NHBi Review S5 W1 by @GinaFatale

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The timing really couldn’t be more perfect. After weeks of postponement, Season 5 of #NHBi finally got to a start on the eve of Valentine’s Day, and we couldn’t have gotten it hotter and more steaming than having @GinaFatale discussing ‘How to Spice Up Your Sex Life.’

Communication, our guest told us is the bedrock to having an awesome sex life.

‘When you communicate with your partner about your sexual desires, limits, fantasies, requests, curiosities, preferences, styles etc, you lay a concrete foundation for an ever evolving and kick ass sex life. That thing that freaked you out yesterday may intrigue u tomorrow; what felt really nice today, might turn out to be too rough and unpleasant tomorrow.
Change is constant, not excluding your sexual preference.’

If you thought all this talk about communication was just textbook material, our guest got down to the nitty gritty with her 10 Tips To Spice Up Your Sex Life.

1. DO IT AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN:
spontaneous sex is good, but not always necessary. Don’t be above making plans & seeing it through

2. Foreplay: not everytime kpa kpa kpa, roll over and snore or throw legs in opposite direction and be doing mhm mhm until it’s over.

Just because u know each other’s body don’t mean u shouldn’t explore it as if it’s the first time. Have single pringle aunty come get d kids. Modulate between luxuriating and passionate urgency, whichever one you choose, bring your A game.

3.Talk Dirty: you really don’t have to get smutty for it to be sexy, 4get what you hear in porn, you’ll end up sounding like a ridiculous pervert.

4. HEAD GAME: it is the season of love, only natural that the head is served as side dish.

Pro tip 1: You don’t always have to stimulate to completion, have fun with it tease, warm , caress, stroke with tongue/hand.
Pro tip 2: Ladies, put your hair in a scrunchie, I don’t know how those porn stars don’t choke on their own hair, be comfortable, it helps.
Pro tip 3: guys, have a pillow beneath her pelvis, it surely is more comfortable for you to give that pleasure.
Pro tip 4: spitting instead of swallowing is NOT a rejection of your partner/ & PLEASE, cumming on the face is not a thing! STOP IT

5. Role Play: You’ve been Mr. X /Mrs X a while now, it’s val, try being a LASTMA official, pepeye or whatever gets u both in the mood.

6.Masturbate for the others pleasure: how else can u can u show your partner how you like it, visual aids are a turn on for everyone.

7. Tell a Story: This goes hand in hand with 6, while partner A is busy with self, help play out that fantasy with a naughty story.

8. Dress Up: Lingerie is for special occasions, valentine et al. it helps too if you are a little too conscious of your body. It helps heighten your libido and don’t sweat it if it gets torn. That’s the whole idea. Throw in a strip tease if you are up for it.

9. Different positions/Locations: Do I really need to explain this part? oh well, I’ll try; I love my bed, its high, comfy, doesn’t squeak, firm, the sheets, so soft, but you hardly remember the do on it unlike d kitchen table, the balcony, the shower stall, aunty’s house, friend’s lawn and the entire creative places you two can find.

10. INVEST IN SEX TOYS: I’m talking cock rings, vibrators, cuffs, blindfolds, ticklers, sex games, sex vouchers, arousal gels etc

Our guest really had quite a curtain raiser of a show for the new season. And her tips just had everyone favoriting and retweeting away.

If you thought this was an enlightening episode, join us again as we return to our regular programming from next week, Wednesday at 9pm Nigerian time.

 

“Why Should My Body Count Matter To My Man?” by @Sugabelly #NHBi Review S5W3

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If last week on the show was amazing, we decided to turn it up a notch with the rebuttal from a female perspective on the discussion from last week. And who else could we have had than the candid and very opinionated @Sugabelly talking on the topic ‘Why Should my body count matter to my man?’

Our guest was quick to get the ground running and took no prisoners in classic No Holds Barred style.

‘So far, I’ve fucked thirteen men. This apparently, is my “body count”. To some men, this is an intolerably high number of foreign penises that automatically disqualifies me as “wifey” material. To me, all it really means is that I like sex. And I’m not alone. We didn’t get to seven billion people without a whole lot of fucking. Men want to have sex with as many women as they like, but also want the women they love to remain virginal and pure in their eyes. This association of sex and filth is problematic as fuck. The very idea that women are somehow “tainted” by other men is bullshit. This idea is the core of Patriarchy – a system set up to liberate men from moral responsibility by placing all the burden on women. By transferring all the religious and social guilt about sexual chastity to women, men free themselves to indulge their sexual urges. And assuage their collective conscience of guilt by policing the sexual behaviour of women. Pussy is not a commodity. Too many men act like they are buying fruit at a market, and if it gets touched too many times, it goes bad. How disturbed a man is by your body count is directly proportional to how insecure he is that you know his sexual prowess ain’t shit. Especially wack men like virgins because they have no frame of reference. There’s no good or bad sex because she doesn’t know any better. Your girl is a virgin, so your dick game becomes the Matrix Nothing there but when you’re inside what do you see? Bomb sex everywhere. IMHO More women should care about their man’s body count. This is the far more important figure. If you men are getting in so much practice fucking all your “hoes”, how come so many women are still enduring bad sex? Men who have fucked half the block and still can’t make you cum aren’t worth the effort it takes to drop your panties. Sometimes it’s about power. A childish urge to possess something no one else has possessed, or that as few people as possible possess. Some men tie a woman’s sexuality to the prospect of their future children. Men feel somehow, that sexual experimentation and motherhood are incompatible. A whore cannot be a mother. A mother must be a saint. No one wants to think about their mother sucking dick. This is why the commonest barbs used to police women’s sexual freedoms often
remind them to think of their future role as mothers. Then there’s also the genetic impulse to avoid disease. A hundred years ago, many sexually transmitted disease were incurable. Because many STDs also affect a developing fetus either during pregnancy or birth a woman’s chance of having STDs became a huge factor. Ergo, it was women who carried the true risk of contaminating one’s innocent future offspring with the consequences of her sluttiness…Rather than worrying about how many guys have eaten your girl out, worry about whether or not she’s a sociopath.
If your girl is “loose” it’s not because she fucks a lot. Vaginas were designed to hold a ten pound baby. Your microdick is not her fault”

Sugabelly dropped it and dropped it like it was sizzling hot. And there is no gainsaying the fact that she did raise valid points. In the eternal battle between the sexes, how long are we going to remain hypocritical, can’t we just agree what is good for the goose is good for the gander? Women don’t have sex with themselves. It takes two to tango. For every body count a woman racks, it counts two on the side of her partner. The men folk are know to be the most outgoing sexually, women are generally more conservative, waiting to be wooed and seduced by the woman. And isn’t it often said that men are polygamous in nature? So if men can go about looking for the next body to conquer, why do women have to take the whack for an attitude and pattern that has been enforced for generations? The debate wouldn’t end here. In sitting rooms and bars, and in quite corners in a house party, its a discussion that is bound to rage on.

There is right and wrong. And there is what society accepts, and what it has openly rejected. But what society has accepted doesn’t always mean what is necessarily in the right. And the true path of development is in talking about these things and constantly evolving attitudes and thought process to the point where we reach the zenith of social development as a people.

Here are some of the comments sent in from participants during the show. Don’t forget to join us again for another exciting episode. Have a blessed week.

“Commitment: Does Body Count Matter?” by @Echecrates S5W1

Review

Ring the alarm!!! NHBi is back for an amazing Season 5. Didn’t we end the last time on a high, and we sure picked up from where we left off.

On the first week of the show this season we had @Echecrates talking on the topic ‘Does Body Count Matter’.

Our guest went straight for the jugular, making a conceptual clarification of what the term body count meant. Something quite necessary because despite the proliferation of the term, not many knew exactly what it meant with many assuming it referred to the number of times one has had sex. But like our guest made it clear, body count refers to the number of individuals a person has had sex with. Apparently taking his discussion from a male point of view, @Echecrates asks, ‘Does HER body count matter?’ (Caps are mine) and for him the answer is both a Yes, and a No.

“A woman’s body count might sometimes serve as the best indicator of her character and whether u can trust her judgment. A high body count can also serve as an indicator of low self esteem. She sleeps with men because she feels like that’s the only way she can keep them. She uses her body as a bargaining chip to buy loyalty. She might no longer be about that life but it’s important to understand the reasons for her high number in order to gauge her mentality.”

What isn’t in any code book however is what exact figure constitutes a high number for a body count. Are there any studies that suggest Nigerians are having more sex and more partners today than they did 30 years ago? How can we all arrive at an agreement on what constitutes a high number for the body count for an individual? Because for some even 4 is a high number. So what we might never be able to all agree on is on what is high or what is low. But then again, the question is ‘Does Body Count Matter?’ Meaning it is not a question of ‘Does a high body count matter?’ If you consider that there are many men who would not have anything to do with a virgin. Eventually, everything boils down to preferences. Some want experience, and don’t care how or where you got it. Others don’t want you with a sexually active past that leaves a trail like Gulliver’s travel. For the insecurity it brings? The baggage it might come along with? Women are like trophies to men. And vice versa. Take it or leave. And no one wants to walk around knowing his or her crown jewel was once the spitting bowl of the yard. So don’t ask, right? Let the past be in the past. That’s easier said than done. Because when you go out often with your missus and run into her 5th ex, and another whom ‘We didn’t exactly date, we just had something going on’ you might begin to wonder if your boss or your randy cousin hasn’t perhaps eaten a slice of your cake.

Our guest had this to say to women who might be perceived as having a high body count:

“Just don’t put your man in a position
where he’s interacting with other men
who’ve been with u without being aware of it Men hate getting blind sided like that. Don’t let me play FIFA with a man who knows how your pussy tastes. If u think there’s the slightest possibility your man might come into contact with a body from your past. Let homie know so he’s prepared. Your man finding out about a body from your past from outside sources rather than from u hurts like hell. Because he starts to question every other thing u have ever told him.”

The topic this week generated a lot of buzz. And it wasn’t just because #NHBi had been missed over the break. With many seeing the topic taken from a mans perspective and not allowing women talk about the case of a man having a high body count too, I mean, why would men be the ones who can freely sow their wild oats and women can’t, the case for a rebuttal was strongly made, and perhaps we might just see that on the next episode of the show. Meanwhile, here are some tweets that made the rounds during the show.

Don’t miss out on another exciting episode this week and the week after that. You just got your Wednesdays back!

“Help!! My BFF is a married woman” by @wildeyeq #NHBi Review S4W10

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As far as relationships go, nothing beats experience. The sum total of who we are is made up from the experiences we have had. This week on No Holds Barred Interactive we had Edward Isreal-Ayide, @wildeyeq talking very personally from his experience on the topic ‘Help, my BFF is a Married Woman.’

Welcome to this weeks review of the show.

Let’s hear Edward’s story:

“You see I have a BFF that I’ve always loved, in fact I wanted to go out with her and possibly marry her at a time. But you know what they say about life happening when you are busy making other plans; I ended up going out with her friend. Don’t log out yet and start a war, it’s absolutely nothing like what you are thinking. We were all best buds, the 3 of us. I was a big brother of sorts to both of them, (I brotherzoned myself so don’t snicker) but I sort of liked Cynthia more. She was the firebrand, the independent Igbo girl who was bent on proving to a male dominated world that she was good enough. Chi was more of a quietly determined lady. She could zero in on a cause and see it till the end without breaking a sweat. Cynthia knew how to take advantage of the soft spot I had for her, and yes I allowed her. Friends thought we’d end up together. As life would have it, I ended up with Chi and we had a
most remarkable 5 years relationship. Through it all and afterwards, Chi and I both had Cynthia as an umpire of sorts. She was the voice of reason and a solace. But something had happened when I was going out with
Chi, I was still Cynthia’s BFF but she was no longer mine. I’ve never been one to share affections equally when
dealing with women. So I froze Cynthia out. I told myself it was for the best, that no woman would thrive in a relationship knowing how deeply I treasured Cynthia. Cynthia took it quite well, she moved on. Got into a
relationship and eventually got married. Or at least that’s what I thought. I felt I free. In many ways, I had felt responsible for Cynthia and I suddenly felt free from that. That wasn’t the case however, what I did not know was that, for the past 8 years, I had been hurting a poor girl. She missed the companionship and all we shared, and had decided that maybe steeling herself to the
effects would make it go away. Well, one day out of the blues, she sends me a message on BBM. From her tone she was angry and really hurt.
She asked why I was not present at her wedding (I was working) why I wasn’t at her daughter’s naming (I
was stupid). Truth is, after she got married, though we remained
friends, I had maintained a very far distance from her. Though I knew the husband from way before they
started dating, I loved my big head so much and didn’t. And that was hurting her. She told me she had made her husband aware of how much I meant to her, as well as their families. In her words; she had build a home and made me a part of it, and I had gone on with a life without a place for her. See, I had no plan to lose that friend. She’s one of the
best a man can have, that kinda girl who’d fuss, whine, nag but always cares. But I don’t know how a man who would take his wife having a male BFF. I think I would be cool with it. I
think, But another man? Honestly, I too miss having her in my life, but I fear that I might affect her marriage. So I “lean back”. I don’t know if there are any moral or marital conventions that say a woman can not have a close friend of the opposite sex. But while I might say “sod it! I don’t care” would her
partner feel the same way? Would trust issues begin in their marriage? Would it be right to selfish cling on to a friendship that would make another lose a home she has built?
I told myself true friendship requires sacrifice, and I was willing to sacrifice my own wishes to make her
happy. But she is not happy. She sees me as the only friend she can open all of her innermost parts to apart from
her hubby. But I am not willing to play ball. I keep her at arm’s
length. A call occasionally, chats; that’s about it. I have had instances where a friend’s wife tried to
make a pass at me, so I am not so sure marriage would make a man feel secure. Definitely not when there’s another “man” in your wife’s life. Maybe I’m just being a coward you might think, but I can speak for myself. I don’t know what the other
man is thinking. I have told myself it’s good to be BFFs from afar.
But I know she hurts knowing I’m not that accessible. But the fact is, she’s married and I do not want to
joke with that for any reason. So children of God and my detractors, that’s my personal pot of ogbono soup.”

Amazing stuff.

What we can learn from Edward’s story can be surmised in these few words. RESPECT BOUNDARIES. But it still can’t describe the electric charged atmosphere on the night. Here are some of the tweets that came in. What are your thoughts however? Do share with us, and join again next week for another interesting episode.

Pregnant Women and Work-Family Balance by @gbemisoke #NHBi Review S4W9

Review,

Multi-tasking is so cool, when all at the same time you are chatting with your friends on the phone, watching your favourite sit-com on TV, micro-waving some quick fix meal, and with your books spread out in front of you, that is your assignment you are trying to do. Easy stuff, hey, you do this all the time. Right?

Real world.

You are 29. Pregnant with the second child. The first is in kindergarten. And thankfully your Poppa sent you to school so you aren’t some run off the mill housewife, and no you won’t sit at home for some cheap allowance from husby, yes, yes, you’ve got to work.

But then with all this, creating something is necessary, indeed very paramount. That something is – Balance.

Welcome to this weeks review of #NHBi.

This week on the show we were talking ‘Pregnant Women and Family-Work Balance.’

We had as guest @Gbemisoke speaking on the topic.

Our guest was of the opinion that the Family-Work balance is one that many women aspire to but never really attain it. And then while many might retort that they know women who have it all, great family, wonderful career and all the other accomplishments to go with, what these people think they know is actually from afar and have no idea the realities that these women deal with everyday.

So if a pregnant women is striving for this ‘elusive’ family work balance what exactly is she to do? Our guest says she has several options.

“One. Be angry. Stay angry. Insist the whole arrangement is unfair and decide to be the exception to the rule. Or, two.  Make deliberate choices about which opportunities to pursue and which ones to give up.”

Life is about choices, @Gbemisoke says, when you make a choices you invariably give up something. When you do not make a choice, one way or another it gets made for you.

And then some rhetoric. “Is it fair that a (pregnant) woman has to make choices that men don’t have to worry about?”

“Can you have it all? Yes. Can you have it all? No. Why? The definition of ‘all’ varies from person to person. Decide what your “all” is. Successful people have learned to define what success means to them. Be deliberate about you choices. Don’t let anyone
guilt trip you into thinking your choices are poor because they differ from theirs. If you choose to give up work because you think caring for your kids is more important, think about what you have to give up. And if you choose to give up caring for your kids because you think caring work is more important, think about what you have to give up.”

Balancing is a tough thing to achieve. And not just in the Family-Work circle. After the first or the second time, a pregnant woman might get adept at maintaining this balance. Experience has to count for something at some point. Some of the things to consider when trying to achieve this balance might be staying healthy for yourself and the baby. Work needs you, family needs you, and so does the life growing inside you. But then, you won’t function in your capacity in these areas if you aren’t fit and healthy. So yes, becoming ‘selfish’ is totally allowed. For a pregnant woman, the sensitivity of people around her has to increase by some 3-fold. But then we are back to choices because when you feel you can handle the pressure and don’t give yourself some measure of breathing space, none would be given to you. So you have to PUT YOURSELF FIRST.



Secondly, ASK FOR HELP. When you are pregnant, you have half of your strength. Ok, I’m no womens health expert, but with pregnant women, that is what it pretty much seems like. So going about doing the things the way you used to would only wear you out. Don’t be afraid or too proud to ask for help. Focus. Remember the goal is to achieve balance, handle family and work at the same time, while being pregnant successfully. So whether in your work place, or at home, ask for help. From the intern, the janitor, the secretary, your colleagues, the husband, his brother who came over for holidays, your parents. Ask for help. Who wouldn’t want to lend a hand when you ask nicely.

DO NOT PROCRASTINATE. This only leaves a pile of more work for you to do. Clear your table as soon as you can and move on to the next task, whether at home or at work. This way there is no conflict between awaiting assignments to be completed and chores to be done. Your mind stays unclogged, there is less pressure and balance doesn’t seem too elusive now.

What tips do you have on attaining Family-Work balance for the pregnant woman? Be kind enough to share.

That’s it for this week on #NHBi. Join us again next week for another interesting episode. Bye bye now. Have a great week.

Social Media Relationships: Do They Work by @Batarhe #NHBiReview S4W8

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After an unscheduled one week break, #NHBi returned to the timeline this week and it was sheer joy and a relief felt by everyone on its return.

This week on the show the topic was ‘Social Media Relationships: Do They Work?’ And we had as guest Foghi Batarhe, @Batarhe talking on the show. Batarhe started off by saying he isn’t by any means a relationship expert and described himself as a ‘normal tweep.’ You see that’s what guests say when they do not want to be charged to ‘Twitter Court’ in the future. Moving on however, Batarhe quotes a research on online dating that says “Internet couples tend to be a better fit than those who meet by more traditional means…”

Batarhe goes on to cite the example of the chat app 2go that has an estimated 9 million subscribers alone in Nigeria saying “…here’s the catch,if we have this huge number of
folks with access to the internet it follows that it becomes a good meeting place.”

He also talks briefly of someone he knew while growing up who met his American wife via “good, old Yahoo Messenger”. And yes they are indeed happily married.

ASL?

But then what are the initial expectations? Batarhe says its important we know this, because not all relationships would lead to the altar, whether you met via social media or not.

“Personally before you say something is a success or otherwise you have to first understand the initial expectations. Because not all relationships will lead to the altar. So if one’s expectations were just to have sex. If I achieved that, it’s success.”

Wait, did I mention that Batarhe met his wife on Twitter?

“So a few years ago when I joined Twitter, I didn’t have the wildest expectation that I’d meet my Lovely wife on here. I joined Twitter out of curiosity just to prove to my dear friend Troy that Facebook was way cooler. I’d been here a year or so when this bright sunny day this interesting handle floated into my horizon. I’d noticed that a lot of my friends were always engaging her on twitter, so naturally me too I joined her follower base. I kinda enjoyed her tweets, not like I had any P setting motives at the time. She too had followed back. One particular tweet almost spoilt it before it even began. She’d been watching and tweeting Fareed Zakaria’s GPS. So me and my silly mouth felt like we’d been friendly so I tweeted ‘hmm, shouldn’t you be watching Keeping up with the Kards’. That singular tweet spoilt plenty things. But in time we had become tweet buddies again. Still no P set yet. After a couple of months of observing, scoping her TL and all we moved to DMs… Until one day she sent me her BBM pin. We had interesting convos, I asked for her mobile because I needed to put a voice to the personality. Now, mind you I’d been single for a year as my heart had been split open by my long time ex, I just wanted to be alone.”

Quick question. When you meet someone online, and you really like them and want to take it offline, how soon should you do that? Again, there are so specifics or set in stone rules. Too quick and you might ruin it, too late and you still might. And there is the danger of meeting a psycho. So in all things there is the need to be security conscious.

Batarhe was telling us a story.

“So I quickly set about making that right,  I quickly booked a plane ticket and flew across a few states to meet up in person. I know it’s important to meet up as soon as possible, otherwise it’d remain a phantom relationship. So I flew down to meet with her. Seeing her in person I just knew right there at the airport that boy you gotta marry this diamond. Today we are happily married with a beautiful daughter as my Avi can tell.”

And the ladies broke into “awwwwwwn”

“Have we had our own wahalas? Of course.. But then again even relationships started from more traditional means do have them.
So ladies and gentlemen if you’re eyeing that babe or dude, better set that P now oh or forever hold your peace. After all,we spend so much of our time on social network sites (Twitter,Facebook, 2go,even Hi5) naturally we’re bound to get involved. So I am a living testimony that Social Media Relationships (once taken to the next level) do work.”

Humanity has come a long way from Adam proclaiming to Eve, ‘you are the bones of my bones and the flesh of my flesh.’ And every tool man has invented has been to make doing things a lot more easier as our civilisation progresses. Social Media Relationships do work, as Batarhe’s story shows, and its not only him. There are hundreds of couples out there who first met on Twitter. And it isn’t only just Twitter. Facebook, Hi5, 2go, Eskimi and what have you, including dating sites where from the onset you are clearly on them to look for a partner. People’s sceptism are naturally drawn from traditionalism, some keep their involvement or stories secret because friends might laugh at them saying ‘You dey love person wey you never see? Na just voice you dey trip for? What if na cripple?’ So of course, know exactly who you are dealing with before putting your heart in and then take it offline as soon as you can. But then before Social Media there were Pen Pals/Letters, and as the world continues to evolve we would do things even less traditionally than before. And like someone said maybe even one day we might have an online wedding. Didn’t we only have an online proposal last week? You may now click the bride.

How Honest Should I Be With My Partner? by @dami_cole #NHBiReview S4W7

Review

I cross my heart and wish to die if I’m not honest about what next I’m about to say: #NHBi time is one I look forward to from the end of one show, up on to the next.

Welcome guys, to this weeks review of the show.

This week we had Dami Cole @dami_cole, talking on the topic “How honest should I be With My Partner?” Whether we care to admit it or not, we have at some time been faced with how much of the truth we should tell, or if we should at all or completely just hoard information from our better half. Whatever course of action people take, there is usually some justification for it ‘You can’t handle the truth’ ‘I didn’t want to hurt you.’ ‘I was afraid you would think me cheap.’ ‘The past is in the past.’ Ok, which other cliches have you good folks used before?

Our guest got off by telling the story of a couple he chose to call Phillip and Rita, who had been dating for 2 years, were in different universities but somehow managed to make it work, because ‘the trust was there.’ Philip opens up to Rita one day on cheating on Rita with a female friend of his, this leaves Rita devastated and it eventually leads to a break up. Years later, Philip meets another girl, starts another relationship but finds it difficult on opening up on the cause of break up in his previous relationship. If he does, would she trust him? Would she have it somewhere at the back of her mind that he could do same again? Would it lead to complications with his present girl?

While you are answering on behalf of Philip, another story.

This one is about Toyin who has been married for 3 years, has a child but still can’t bring herself to tell her husband that she once had an abortion. The said abortion happened when she was 19.

Dami asks “the question is, is it necessary to tell her husband?”

At least to prevent it from doing so…Half-honesty or delayed honesty isn’t fair to partners cos that is what breeds distrust. Its better all things are bared out at the onset of relationships as that will be the best time to actually accept/reject the party. Finally, It is better you are the one telling than your partner finding out!” Don’t we all agree? The truth has no substitute. And we all want to be dealt with honestly. Being honest means, putting your cards out on the table. Sometimes its not about what transpired in previous relationships, sometimes it is about your earnings, or a double lifestyle. Half truth or selective honesty have a way of bouncing back at us. And then we wish we had been open from the on set. People should love you for you really are, and the more you hide some part of you, the less there is of you there is to be accepted and loved. When you bare it all, at least that way the other party knows exactly what he or she is getting into. Don’t they say that honesty is the best policy? Here are some of the interactions from participants on the show.

RAPE!! by @AyodejiOsowobi #NHBiReview S4W6

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Its not strange for a new comer to ask at every show ‘What does #NHBi mean?’ I’ll say this just this once, ‘N’ is for Learning, ‘H’ is for ‘Enlightenment’, ‘B’ is for Fun and I is for Interactive. Ok, I’m just goofing. Maybe not really. But seriously, here on No Holds Barred Interactive, its all that and more thrown into the mix and this week it was a great session of learning and enlightenment for us on the show.

Welcome to the review of yet another not-to-be-forgotten-soon episode of the show. This week on the show, we were taking a stand against the societal menace called Rape. We had as guest on the night Ayodeji Osowobi @AyodejiOsowobi of Stand to End Rape, a Non-Governmental Organisation that seeks to end rape by creating awareness about its devastating effects on our society.

Ayodeji said that rape isn’t a new phenomenon in Nigeria, but that recently it has quite grown out of proportion. She went on to describe rape as a form of ‘gender based violence against girls and women’, with boys and men even being inclusive recently as well.

She defined Rape as when “you penetrate anyone’s body part however slight, with a sexual organ. Any act of force/coercion is also rape.”

People tend to get confused on what rape really is. I’ll break it down for you! Rape is when a person says ‘No’
& you interpret it as ‘Yes'”

She adds that even if one is having sex with a lady and at some point she says ‘Stop’ or ‘No’ and you continue, from there on, it is rape. Which reminds me of a case I heard about where the couple had sex 3 times already and at the 4th time, the woman said ‘No’ and the man went ahead to have his way with her, and the court ruled that he indeed had raped her.

She further enlightens by saying “There is a common misconception on what ‘consent’ really is. Sometimes, a victim can be coerced/threatened to give consent. If an armed robber breaks into your home & says ‘Let me rape you or I’ll kill you!’ I bet you’ll be forced to say ‘yes’ for the fear of death! Hence, it’s important to know that rape isn’t just about ‘consent’, it’s also when ones’ ‘freedom to choose’ is taken forcefully!”

She then talks about rape in the case of minors being technically termed as ‘defilement’.

She says “House girls/boys, aunties/uncles, fathers/brothers have been reported to be perpetrators of defilement. What is our law doing about this?”

She says that the laws we have in Nigeria aren’t stringent hence perpetrators escape justice while victims are left saddled with the job of proving rape.

“Victims of rape even after the psychological humiliation of being raped, see no need to report rape cases. Why? No hope for justice. Victims are most times asked bizarre questions like ‘What were you wearing?’ ‘Did you ask for it?’ ‘Are
you sure you were raped?’ Under the shariah law, if victims can’t prove/don’t have any evidence of being rape, they are seriously canned & tagged ‘fornicators.’ The approach of victims proving rape” has contributed to bring suffering to (most) Nigerian women across the country!”

Ayodeji then quoted results from NOIPolls which say that 34% of 585 sampled adults think that indecent dressing is the leading cause of rape.

“This in itself is a form of victim blaming, which promotes rape one way or the other. Minors don’t dress indecently, yet they get raped. Hence, we need stringent laws, law enforcement officials who are specially trained & a no ‘rape proving’ structure for victims.”

Our guest went on to answer numerous questions from participants. Especially those who were interested in joining her organisation in the Fight to End Rape.

The discussion doesn’t just end here, or on Twitter, we expect everyone who cares about our girls and boys and women to take a stand against rape in our society. After all, if good men do nothing about evil, I trust you know the rest.

Join us again next week on another exciting episode of the show. Have a great week. God bless.

Are You the Real Chic or Side Chic? by @Perxian_Pride #NHBiReview S4W5

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Drum rolls. Fireworks. Applause. Welcome guys to yet another exciting review of everyone’s favourite Twitter show, #NHBi.

Last week on the show we talked about how weddings and expenses with the topic ‘Must our Wedding cost a Fortune?’ Well, before you get to that finish line where the ring actually gets put on your finger, many ladies have to contend with whether or not they are being taken seriously in a relationship. Am I the only one? Am I the first one with a pack of others after me? Am I the fallback option? Am I the latest inductee into his harem?

A girl can hardly ever tell exactly what her position in a mans life is. What you see is what you get.

And just as someone suggested right before the show some girls were set to get their side chic badge today.

This week on the show, we had @Perxian_Pride talking on the topic ‘Are you the side chic, or the real chic?’

Our guest asks, ‘Ladies, have you ever had that sick feeling in your relationship that maybe you aren’t the only one in his life? God knows I have.’

Popular opinion defines the side chic as the girl who is the second, or fall back option for a man. He wants to hang out he calls ‘X’. But she has to work or isn’t feeling too well, then he calls ‘Y’. Note that ‘Y’ wasn’t his first option to go with him to that dinner reception for his boss. Now he wants to have sex, he calls ‘X’, she’s on her period, hell, so he calls ‘Y’. What ‘Y’ is, is a substitute. An option when ‘X’ isn’t available.

But Y of course doesn’t know that she is indeed a substitute. How can she tell he hadn’t asked 3 other girls out to the dance with him before he found her available and willing. Its not like in a game of football where you can clearly tell someone is starting ahead of you, and you’ll only play if he is injured, not match fit or suspended.

But then, as long as one isn’t entirely stupid, sometimes you can clearly read the signs and know you aren’t the only one. Our guest then says that:

‘A side chic may choose to play her role quietly because it’s hurtful when she finds out she’s the side piece
and not where his heart lies. Contrary to what some men think, side chics can maintain their own and they pride in themselves. Some are actually proud to be one.’

The MAIN CHIC – these are the ones that have the guy’s heart. They are the ones too caught up in the idea of being the best.’

The mistake they make is assuming because they have more access to the guy, his house, his family, his friends, it automatically makes them the main chic. You are still being cheated on. Perhaps your being the ‘main chic’ is solely because you are more presentable than the side chic. Or the relationship with the side chic is one that would be objected to on religious, or ethnic grounds from perhaps the family. If you were all he ever needed and more, you would not be cheated on.

Our guests however advices side chics, assuming you already know your status, not to nag, be too clingy nor exhibit jealousy, leaving the main chic to struggle with those and inevitably irritate him enough to drop her and then whoop whoop, there is your promotion.

The tweets poured in and it was a blast from the get go. Some of the interesting comments are presented after the cut.

 

 

Don’t forget to join us again next week for another interesting episode. Follow the hashtag #NHBi to join in and send in your comments using the hashtag. The conversation continues all week, never stops. Have a wonderful week. God bless.

Must Our Wedding Cost A Fortune #NHBiReview S4W4

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Hello guys, it’s Season 4 and Week 4 of the most popular show on Nigerian Tweetersphere. Welcome to yet another review of #NHBi. This week on the show we had Tony Iribor, @tonypox as guest talking on the topic ‘Must Our Wedding Cost a Fortune?’

Tony gets off by saying that the poser by the topic isn’t one that can be easily answered with a yes or no. And then declares that he has never been married before, and therefore cannot say there is an acceptable amount for weddings, and that all he’ll be saying are simply his opinion and not a standard for everyone to adopt. With that said, Tony again makes it clear that we are discussing on the wedding ceremony, not the marriage, does a fortune needs to be spent on the ceremony, the catering, the hall, the bridal dresses from Italy, and the suits from Paris.

Tony says it would be very easy for him to say “you do not have to spend a fortune on your wedding”. And makes a comparison to foreign movies where you see a wedding ceremony of just the bride and groom, parents and family of the couple, officiating minister and that’s all.

“We have a family culture here in Nigeria that goes beyond your father mother and siblings. When a family
celebrates, everyone does. So how will you organise a wedding ceremony and not invite them? How? We celebrate everything in these parts. Naming ceremonies, house warming and all sorts. My honest opinion is simple, what do you want? Can you
afford it? What is the point spending so much on just one day? The wedding ceremony is just one day. you will have days ahead of you. And then we over do it. We go from introduction to engagement or traditional marriage and then to
the court and then to church or the mosque, depending on your religion. To achieve all this, money gets spent. After the church wedding, you now have to entertain. You pay bride price, and God help you, if you are
marrying a lady from that tribe where the bride price comes like a huge text book.”

But then again, all this is assuming that the expenses could be a constraint on your finances. What if they aren’t and you can totally afford them? By all means, please go ahead. Tony says “Who no like better thing? Go to a lovely location. buy
her the best wedding dress of her choice. An amazing ring, you know na.”

“A wedding ceremony is not a food expo for people to come and eat. That you have a big wedding doesn’t guarantee that your marriage will be great. Neither does a small, quiet wedding mean your marriage will not succeed and vice versa. The pressure from family also plays a role but you have to make them understand too if you know you don’t want or can’t afford it.”

And even if by virtue of goodwill from family and friends, and sale of aso-ebi which is a given in every Nigerian wedding today, you can afford it, the wedding still doesn’t have to be overly elaborate or expensive if your status or means is average. Reason being that after the razzmatazz of the wedding ceremony comes the realities of life as a married man or woman, and the responsibilities of raising a family. People save up for their wedding ceremony but don’t save up for raising a family or sending their children to good schools or to having a house of their own to provide a sense of security for the wives and kids. Where is the sense in that?

Tony ended by saying “So, for me, if you can, have a big wedding and if you
cannot, please do not tensioned or feel bad. be happy
with what you can afford.”

On another very engaging night on #NHBi here are some interesting tweets participants sent in.

@NajeebWali: I’ve seen weddings that over 40 million naira was spent on events and superficial bullshit that didn’t last six months.

@doeyhin: If you tell my mother you want a small wedding, she’d wake you up in d middle of the night to ask if you’ve done some evil people shouldn’t hear of.

@nykelodeon: Contrary to what some of you here believe, some big, expensive wedding actually make the marriage work out walai!

@RebelliousXIV: Nigerian weddings have defeated the purpose of wedding night. The couple be so tired from dancing that they cant even lift a finger.

@loynox: Both of you MUST agree to stick to the budget irrespective of external pressure. The lady must see everyone else as third-party.

@jyte12: I’ve seen too many friends break down in the middle of wedding planning. It’s not funny. In the name of ‘making people happy’.

@DapoDan: Its possible to do a wedding and declare a profit after. Someone has done it before.

@Solar_unique: Big wedding is good, but not compulsory, the main thing is marriage. Unfortunately, some people have great wedding but poor
marriage.

@KayodeSomorin: I would have
preferred an Indian wedding though,
the woman pays for everything
including bride price.

@temi_tayo: Wedding. It’s become so capital intensive…Stems from people wanting to outdo the other.

@Elsieisy: Whether low key wedding or high key. At the end of it all, who cares? People will always talk.

@MAW3DO: Like my dad would say, don’t have a lavish wedding and come here a week later to fetch raw rice and beans. -__-

@amasonic: Put plenty dance for your wedding to raise money: Bride/groom, Bride/parents, Groom/parents, Chairman/Chairlady, MC/Cake designer.

@abdulhari108 : ‘Big wedding’ is a
relative term,one man’s big
wedding’ is another mans ‘small
wedding’.

There you have it. That’s all on this weeks review of the show, join us, and tell a friend to tell a friend, next week, Wednesday 9pm(Nigerian time) by following the hashtag #NHBi. Have a wonderful week people. Stay blessed.