Some people, I can’t mention names now, but there were indeed some people who were on the verge of a mini heart attack when at about 9.30pm our host Mark Amaza, @amasonic, announced that we would not be having our regular tweetshow, that’s the word in vogue now, but rather some sort of feedback session owing to technical glitches. Someone was hyperventilating beside me when our guest for the night Uncle Efe @HL_Blue stumbled on stage, muttering something inaudible and thanking the host profusely in the process. What an entrance.
Welcome to our review of this week’s show on #NHBi. Our stage stumbling guest, Uncle Efe, was speaking on ‘How to End relationships.’ There are a thousand and one ways to end relationships of course, but I suppose here on #NHBi we wouldn’t be considering an Oscar Pistorious style, because yes indeed, that is one way to end relationships. But talking about healthy means to cut it off, without having bad blood and bitterness and anger in its aftermath, what are the options really? As much variety as we have in pick up lines, I suppose there are as many in break up lines. I mean, there are the classics ‘Its not you, its me, you deserve someone much more better than I.’ And then the spiritual, ‘My pastor said…’ You can take it up from there, can’t you? Then how about making your parents or the other persons tribe the scapegoat; ‘Baby you know how my parents feel about Ibo guys, let’s just end it now before it is too late.’ Humans are wired for survival, and when a relationship begins to choke you, you get all sorts of creative in devising a mechanism, or just the words to end it.
The important thing about ending a relationship is that to do so effectively, you must have been in control of the relationship. Our guest makes this point clear enough when he likens breaking up in a relationship to driving a car in a journey. When you are tired and want out, you simply just pull over, turn off the ignition, un buckle your seat belt and simply walk away. Compare it to if you are in the passenger it and you aren’t in control. You want to get off, and the driver isn’t going to let you off easy, hell he could run you into a tree trunk.
‘If you are the driver in the relationship your own is good. Just turn off the engine and come down. Or you can just travel for your masters. Be like, Jesus take the wheel of this relationship and jump out like that.’ He continues ‘However, many of you are not in the drivers seat of your relationship that is why you are asking how to end them.’
Then, there was one of those affirmative self help things councillors and public speaking people do that Uncle Efe asked us to do. Me I was tired, but hey, I didn’t want to be the guy who everyone refers to as the sceptic who don’t think these things work. So when he asked us to put our right hand on our chest, I promptly did and we repeated after him ‘I will not be the passenger in my relationship.’ Breath deep. You see, that was helpful.
And then, we had to talk about our relationships, the ones we want to end but don’t know how, Uncle Efe was here to give us advise. And advise he gave. Check out this one: ‘There is this lovely way of ending a relationship. Just call the other person and say, call me back, anytime credit finishes we’re over.’ Ouch!
‘Or you tear your dresses into pieces and tell him if you can repair this dress then you can repair our relationship.’ And he warns, there are no wrong methods of breaking up.
And then we had to share our worst break-up story. This really got me emo and all, *sniffs*, I remember I left, then came back, but couldn’t really take it anymore I just had to leave again.
Relationships are difficult to end. And while you are pondering how to end it, maybe for lack of courage or lack of words, remember how you suffered the same way when you were going to approach her in the first place. However much disdain you harbour for this person right now though, it is important to treat people with respect, I mean that is what you would want yourself isn’t it. That way it is easier for the other person to move on, at least that is one thing you would really want. It is also nice to know why it didn’t work, it could help the other person improve on themselves or their next relationships.
Here are select tweets from the discussion this week, not enough space to put as many as we would liked, too much hilarious stuff, and real talk. The combo is what makes it real fun.
@Omojuwa: You don’t have to break up, just walk away. By the time you are back someone else will be going through that door anyway.
@suave_sultan: Another break up story I heard, niccur just yelled another girls name as he was ejaculating. She never came back.
@tayoboy: Got her to find weed in my pockets. Never even smoked cigarettes. She thought she did the dumping. Every one is happy
@topeatiba: some people are experts at working you up till you leave. Kinda like bosses that would rather not sack you
@rosanwo: Guy: Babe, I cheated on you, I know you will leave me, sorry. Babe: So, I forgive you. Guy: No, I can’t forgive myself, its over.
@iAmKingsiju: Break-ups are the tough part of a relationship, if you have to do it be firm and nice.
@STONEHENGENG: Put Barry White’s ‘Kiss and say goodbye’ when she is around. Lol
@OmowonuolaMaja: Sha bring scotch, ice cream and cake with chocolate when you are coming to break up with me. At least there is something to binge on.
@HRHTega1: Must we break up? Can’t we just fizzle out like candle wey don finish. No need for senrere
Caleb Olorunmaiye
nhbiblog 