In the 21st century world we live in a social innovation like what is offered via #NHBi is possible, connecting thousands of micro blogging users via the internet to discuss issues, learn and connect. But what with when 18th century ideologies, bias and misconceptions
are not done away with, notions carried by the seemingly educated that defies the logic of the education they claim to possess. Ironically, this seem to be the case in our world today and particularly on the African continent where the male child is considered superior to the female child and the female less deserving of inheritance, parental care and attention, a chance at schooling and thus is banished to a life dedicated to servitude and child bearing.
Welcome to this week’s review of #NHBi where we had the topic ‘Male or Female Kids’ and we had as our guest Tope Aigba, @Topsyken. As always with our guest Tope drew from some personal experience and narrated how shortly after marriage, her father-in-law had told her that she must give him a male child as her first. And she says she couldn’t help thinking ‘Na me dey make pikin?’ and says she knew enough to know that it was the man who ‘determines’ the sex of the child.
“As God will have it, my first child happened to be a boy. Come and see celebrations oh. Enough pepper rest on top say ‘Mama na boy o’”
Tope told of a woman she met at the gynecologist who had already had 3 daughters and was begging the doctor that she was willing to do anything to have a male child, she was desperate owing to pressure from her husband’s family and the Doctor too, sensing her desperation began to feel all important ‘as if he is God that gives children’. There was also the story of a man who scolded his wife publicly shortly after she was delivered of a baby girl, their third. The woman wept bitterly and the man walked out on her in annoyance. The man, who happened to be a Pastor, returned shortly after, after a conviction from the Holy Spirit, apologized to his wife, demanded to see the baby and ‘blessed the child from the depth of his being’. They decided to put a stop to child bearing after that but ‘God surprised them with a pregnancy and in delivery, it was a boy’.
Tope says that the choice of having children or not is the prerogative of the couple and whatever their decision they should try as much as possible not to allow external influences.
Much of Africa still remains a very traditional society despite our pretense to all things western. Thus notions such as the importance of the male child over the female is still very wide spread, the most widely held belief for this belief is the continuity of a man’s lineage. What we might want to quickly bear in mind is that for one, I and maybe you really do not care about some great-grandfather who lived 600 years old and whose name you bear as surname, but are more interested in surviving, meeting set life goals and living the rest of your life in peace. How many minutes in a day do you spare to think about your ancestors whose name you bear. So when today, someone goes off about wanting male children to continue his lineage you might want to realize, 200 years from now, that would be the least important things to the yet unborn children, and great grandchildren.
As far as procreation goes, there is only so much the human can control. The rest is left to biology, science and the all powerful invisible hand of God. During the discussion, as our guest mentioned, men are actually responsible for the gender of a child. Men bear the X and Y chromosomes; women bear the X and X chromosomes. So what this basically means is that if the man’s Y meets the woman’s X, they would bear a male child. If his X meets her X, they would bear a female. When a couple is desperate to have a certain gender of child, they could be exposed to all manner of hearsays that would allegedly help them conceive their choice gender. What is the craziest you have heard? I for one have heard that a couple should have sex in the afternoon for a male child, or face north for a male child while lovemaking. These myths would only serve to further frustrate the couple when they do not work because they are not in any way scientifically proven.
But then, what does it matter the sex of your child? Does it make it any less your child? It is understandable that for certain altruistic reasons someone might want a certain gender of child for example, being raised in an all male household might spark the desire of female children, and vice versa, but where we get it wrong, as husbands, or wives, or in-laws is when we blame the woman, or even the man for their inability to conceive of a certain gender. What a child is going to be, is less determined on his sex and hinged more on the training, care and attention he or she receives and the support to pursue his or her life goals and dreams. There are female pilots as well as there are male pilots. There are female actors as well as there are male actors. Gender shouldn’t stop a child from getting the love he deserves and shouldn’t determine how far the child could go.
Angry at your spouse, your in-laws or God for having a boy when you wanted a girl, or ‘refusing’ o give you a boy and rather blessing you with a chain of girls is just petty and a frailty of our human nature. So do we want to rise above them or not?
Lots of stories and experiences came up during the discussion, all too many to put in here. But here are some selected tweets that give insights to the shade of the discussion
@LanreAA: I always hoped for sons because I don’t understand women and I want to understand my kids.
@finegurl: I thank my parents for raising us to be solid individuals regardless of our gender. I was a full tomboy. No time.
@geny_awoke: Now d X chromosome moves slow, is stronger and survives for a long time while d Y is faster and dies off quickly… The best time to meet your wife if u really want to have a male child is during ovulation. Because that’s when you’re sure that there is an egg waiting to be fertilized and since d Y chromosome is faster is gets there first. Once fertilization takes place then you have a male child but when you meet your wife prior to ovulation the Y get there first finds no egg and dies off while d X takes its time and when it get there maybe in few days it meets the egg and then u have a female child
@Lilysville: Life happens when we are busy making plans, male or female, children are gifts from God.
@bimbolanko: There is no crime in craving a Male or a Female child. Just don’t be stupid about it.
@amasonic: One reason I’ve heard so many times for desiring a son is so that ‘family name won’t die’. Does that mean the Obama name will die?
@KoloKennethK: I want a girl to adore, but I want boys to hang out with.
@madamedemadame: If you have a boy or a girl, be thankful. Many are still looking for the fruit of the womb.
Interesting stuff I tell you. That’s the much we can take here. Keep a date with us same time next week. God bless.
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